Learning to Survive Again
by WriKai
Summary: I had been shot; KILLED by that damned demon, but I wasn't in Heaven. I wasn't in Hell. I was back on Earth, ALIVE, and angels were falling from the sky. If this was going to be my second chance at life, you can bet I'm going to be the best damn Hunter you've ever seen. This is the sequel to Believing in the Impossible. I highly suggest reading it first. Castiel/OC
1. Meteor Shower? Bullshit

I watched. And watched. And watched. I watched angels fall. I watched people scream, or video in awe. I watched some get up, dust themselves off, and walk away. I watched some limp. I watched one die. He landed alive, and not too far from me again, so I rushed to him to help. His face was pained as he tried to crawl out of the hole his crash-landing had created. I moved towards him, offering a hand to help him, and he took it. He took it and tried to get out, tried to get up, but even I could see that he wouldn't. He was too damaged, too hurt.

"What can I do for you?" I asked, still trying to help him up when he had given up. His eyes, a dark gold, looked so tired and scared.

"Sit with me." He whispered. "Please." I did as he asked, and sat beside the dark-haired angel. He did his best to sit up, but couldn't, so he accepted his fate to lie down. I still held his hand, and he gripped mine as tightly as he could.

Angels didn't die. I don't think they even feared death.

But now this one did, and he was more terrified than I've ever seen a person before. So tired, and at the same time so scared and accepting. That was how I knew he was an angel. He was absolutely terrified of death, the death looming over him, but he was still so calm about it. So…. At peace.

"What is your name?" He asked me. I didn't bother with the fake one, didn't bother with Kai. This angel was about to die. He deserved to at least know my real name.

"Kylie." I answered, squeezing his hand comfortingly. He coughed, looking up at the stars above us.

"That is a nice name." He said. "You are a good human, are you not?"

"I try to be." I looked over at him and smiled. He was still staring at the stars. "What's your name?"

"Ezekiel." He barely got the words out. Then he focused on me, and the terror left his face, as did the calm. Now there was only confusion. "You were brought back," he whispered, raising a hand to my face. "Why were you brought back? Who brought you back?"

"I… I…" I felt it all come to me at once. The gunshot. The stab. The laughter. The brothers. Castiel.

Castiel. He was an angel. Was he dying, too, like this one?

"You have been brought back for a purpose." Ezekiel decided. I focused back on him, trying to fight my own fear. "You know what I am. You know of angels."

"Yes." I told him, gripping the hand at my cheek. It was dirty and grimy and stained with blood, but I didn't care. Ezekiel wasn't just an angel; he was a person, a person dying in excruciating pain, and nobody deserved to die alone like that.

"Then make sure they remember who I am." He requested, returning his gaze back to the stars. "Make sure the others, they know I tried to get out, that I didn't just disappear; Make sure my brethren know I died, instead of running like a coward."

Ezekiel closed his eyes, and his hand fell heavy in to my own.

"I will." I promised, laying it across his chest. I folded the other across as well, so that he was there with some sort of dignity; so that whoever found him didn't find a broken man, though his bones certainly were, but an angel at rest.

Then I stumbled away as it all fully came at me. I had just watched an angel die. Angels were falling and dying.

I had been dead.

Crowley had shot me.

Castiel hadn't been able to heal me.

I'd been dead.

.

.

.

I'd been _**dead**_.

I'd told Castiel not to bring me back, just to visit me. I knew I'd told him that.

"I was dead." I whispered, letting my hands hit against a rough brick wall. I had no idea where I was. A quick search of my pockets told me I had no money, no phone, and no wallet. I'd had my wallet with me when I'd died. I had been so certain we'd win; I'd brought it so I could show the asshole the faces of my family.

But we hadn't won.

And I had nothing except the clothes on my back.

I rooted around me for spare change, for a fallen dollar, for anything. I just needed a little bit of money, enough to make a call. I needed to find a phone booth. I needed to know where I was.

Danny.

I could call Danny, and she could tell me where I was, and I could head over to her little place and regroup there. Danny had helped me out before. She had told me I could stay whenever I'd needed. I'd never taken her up on the offer before; I'd always been too afraid of dragging her in to my mess. But now…

Angels were falling.

I had been dead.

I think I was justified in calling her.

After a few hours of searching around, I finally got enough money to make two calls. One to Danny, and one to Dean. Dean would know what was going on. Dean would know what to do.

I called Danny first, though, and waited. "Come on, pick up!" I whispered urgently, looking around. It was so dark at the payphone, and there was nobody around. Run-down houses smashed together side by side, yes. Familiar landscapes or markings, no. Places or people to borrow money from, no.

Eventually, I got a message saying the line was disconnected, and my blood ran cold.

I hung up quickly, and didn't even think about calling Dean. Danny always answered her phone. She ALWAYS did, no matter what. If the number was disconnected, something was wrong.

I called Rodriguez. Danny had helped him out a lot, and given him a phone with burner minutes. Rodriguez would answer, would know why Danny's phone wasn't working.

He answered on the third ring, and I let out a sigh of relief. "Rod! Hey, it's Kai. I called Danny earlier, and it said her number was disconnected. Do you know what happened?"

"My friend," his voice was so heavy, so sad, I knew his next words before he said them.

" _Danny_ _está muerto_." He said.

 _Danny is dead._

"What happened to her?" I asked, gripping the payphone so hard I feared the plastic would break.

"It was a bloodbath in her apartment." He explained. "Computers smashed, everything ruined. _La policía_ , they believe it is work of a new serial killer." I could hear how close he was to crying. I was, too. Danny hadn't been homeless, but she'd hated how her parents acted towards the homeless. She was always trying to do good for people.

"Thank you for telling me." I told him. "Did you go by her apartment?"

"Sí."

I had to ask. I had to know. I remembered the smell myself. "Did it smell like rotten eggs or sulfur or anything?"

"Sí, muy mucho." His emotions were getting to him if more Spanish was coming out. I could hear his voice about to break.

"Gracias, Rodriguez." I thanked him. "Stay safe."

"Y tu, pequeña." He said. _And you, little one._

I sunk to the ground, still in the payphone booth. Danny was dead; demons had gotten to her.

And it was my fault.


	2. Thank God for Greyhounds

I learned where I was.

I honestly should've recognized it sooner, but I hadn't been back in so long…

I was in Cheboygan, or at least the outskirts of it. I had avoided Michigan like the plague ever since that night. Being back… It was unsettling.

Why was I in Cheboygan?!

Once I figured it out, though, I knew where I was. I knew how long it would take for me to walk to my old home. I knew how far it would be to get to where Danny was buried. I knew how far away the Bunker was.

I chose to go to Danny's grave. Her funeral was in two days, and there wasn't any way I could get there that fast. I would just have to visit where she was buried, pay my respects.

At some point, I would need to get a hold of Sam and Dean and Cas, but I couldn't. Not yet. I didn't want them to know the person who had gotten their trace was dead. I'd seen their faces when I had been… dying.

Man, that was going to be hard to get used to saying. I had died. I had literally died and been to heaven, I think, and someone had brought me back. Who had brought me back?

It was all fuzzy, very fuzzy. I remembered Scrabble. I remembered tweed. I remembered bright light and feeling like I was flying at thousands of miles a second.

But I didn't remember a face, or a voice. Just a hand and light.

"Focus, Kylie." I muttered. "Focus on what you're doing."

I had to get money to take a bus down to Danny's grave in LA. Then I had to get money to make it to… Somewhere safe. Would demons be after me again? Would angels? Would any other creatures?

The angel had recognized that I had been brought back. Would other creatures as well?

That poor angel, Ezekiel… He'd been so terrified, so pained, and in the end, so peaceful. I wished I could've done more, but I knew I couldn't.

But I had to get to LA. I had to get to the Bunker. I had to get to a phone, call Sam and Dean and Castiel and make sure everybody was ok, that the trials had been completed.

I stopped walking, and remembered Castiel's face. He looked so old, so ancient, and so tired of seeing people die.

He'd put so much effort in to saving me, I couldn't not try sending out a prayer to him.

"Castiel," I started, speaking the words out loud. "I don't know how it happened, but I'm alive. I'm alive and fine and in Cheboygan, Michigan and I could really use a person right now to just talk with. So please… Please…" I took a deep breath, trying to keep my cool. "Please, Castiel, I need you. If you're hurt and can't do anything, I understand, but if you're alright and fine and you didn't… Didn't die falling like other angels have, then please tell me. Please let me know you're alive and alright. I miss you."

I said the last three words so quietly, I wasn't certain why. But when I turned around, looking for him, he wasn't there.

I almost prayed again, hoping to learn Castiel was alive and not injured. But I didn't, because I remembered Sam and Dean's words about angels. Not all of them are good, not all of them are here to help.

So I didn't, and took a deep breath. "I can do this on my own." I decided. "I can do this."

Over the next few hours, I got enough money to get a bus ticket going to LA. Thank WHOEVER for Greyhounds. It wasn't cheap, and I wasn't proud of having to resort to breaking and entering again to get so much money, but I had to. I had nothing for food money, but I'd managed to grab a bottle of water, so that would work for me. I'd never actually had this lack of stuff before, I'd always had my backpack and a few items, but I could still make this work.

I hoped Sam and Dean hadn't thrown out my stuff.

I wondered how long I'd been dead.

But 2 days, twenty hours, and about thirteen minutes after waking up in Cheboygan, I was in Los Angeles. I went to pay my respects to Danny, along with a plethora of others like me who had been helped by her kind, rebellious soul.

One of us, Preacher Risely, led a prayer for her. I didn't pray, though. I knew there weren't any angels up there for her.

But after the homeless service, I found another payphone and made a call, this time to Dean's cell. I didn't know how I memorized it, but I did.

"Hi, this is Dean's cell. Leave your name, number, and nightmare at the tone." Beep.

"Dean?" I said his name like a question, almost. "It's me. It's… It's Kai." I didn't know if they had my wallet, or knew my real name. "I'm alive. I promise, I'm alive. I don't know how, but I am. I woke up in Cheboygan almost three days ago, I'm in LA now, and I'm making my way towards the Bunker. I don't have any money," I stuffed a hand in my pockets. "I used it all to get to California. I don't know when I'll be there, or when I'll be able to call again, but I'm alive." I kept saying those words. I'm alive. "I'll try and call again at this same time tomorrow or the day after. I hope you all are ok, and that Sam finished the trials. I don't… I don't know how long I was dead." I took a deep breath, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. "Tell everyone I said hi, I guess." I hung up the phone after that, and thought for a few moments.

I still remembered Sam's number, after all. There couldn't be any harm in trying him.

I had the coins I needed within about ten minutes, and dialed Sam's number. I wished I had my notebook, my backpack, ANYTHING that I'd had to help me.

I got voicemail on Sam, too.

"Sam, hey. I just called Dean's number. Listen, I'm, ah… I'm alive, somehow. I was brought back. I'm going to make my way to the Bunker, but I just… I'm scared." There. I couldn't admit it on Dean's phone, but I could on Sam's. "I was dead, and now I'm not and I don't know why and you and Dean and Castiel aren't answering and I don't have any phone or way for you guys to get in touch with me, but I'm scared. I'm scared and alive somehow when I know I died, I know I shouldn't be alive right now, and I don't know what else to do but head back to the Bunker." I could feel myself about to cry. I couldn't cry. Not on the damn voicemail. "I'll try calling again in a day or two, around the same time. Please, just… Somebody pick up." I took another deep breath. "Because I don't know what else to do right now."

I hung up, and slunk away from the phone booth in to an alley so I could break down and cry in peace.


	3. Caroline Johnson, In The Alley, Crying

Or, at least, I hoped it would be in peace. After maybe a minute of just letting everything kind of… flow, I guess, I was interrupted.

By another female crying farther down the alley.

So I stopped, did my best to dry up my tears, and went to see who it was. She had dark hair, and was maybe five years older than me. She looked so scared, and she kept crying. Her clothes were nice, neat, and definitely not those of a homeless person.

So why was she crying in an alley?

"Are you alright, ma'am?" I asked. She shook her head, not really looking up. "What's wrong?" I wiped my eyes quickly, and took a seat next to her.

"I've been cast out." She replied, sniffling. "My home… It's so far, and I can't get back." She kept crying. It wasn't the wailing type of crying that you see with soap opera dramas, but the quiet kind of a person who was so despairing, yet at the same time so unsure of what else to do.

"How come you can't go home?" I was on alert pretty quickly. This woman was nicely dressed, probably some sort of businesswoman. If she couldn't go home, all I could think of was an abusive situation.

There weren't any scars or bruises on her wrists, though. Mental abuse, perhaps?

"It's locked." She looked up, and for the first time I saw her face. It was petite, but strong in the right circumstances. "We've all been locked out, ejected from whatever we were doing to here," she looked at her arms strangely, then back up again. "And I don't know what to do with this."

"Where is home?" I asked, standing up. I offered the woman my hand, and she stared at it blankly. "We can swing by together, maybe with a few armored buddies, or find you a new one. I'm sure you have family that would be more than willing to take you in."

She just shook her head.

"All my brothers and sisters were cast out." Her voice… It was horrified.

I stopped for a moment, thinking about this woman, before I kneeled down in front of her. She was staring at her knees, now.

"Ma'am," I said cautiously. She looked up at me, and her eyes widened in shock.

"You were cast out as well." She whispered, scanning my face.

"And you're an angel." I stated, watching her reactions. She seemed…. More shocked by my knowing that than by the whole "cast out" thing. "And I was dead, but now neither of us are in Heaven, and probably for the same reasons."

"Why were you brought back?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Absolutely no idea," I looked around from side to side. "But this alley probably isn't the most comfortable place to discuss this, is it?" I asked. She thought for a moment, then shook her head. "Then come on." I stood back up, and offered her my hand once more. This time, she took it willingly, and rose to stand beside me as well. She was definitely taller, though not by too much. "If anyone asks, you're my aunt. We'll find somewhere we can discuss all of this. Are you hungry?"

"Angels don't need food." She answered, almost as an automatic thing.

"Are you still an angel?" I asked, curious.

"Yes and no." She said after a moment. "My vessel, it is a good vessel. It will not give me any problems. But my powers are… limited."

"So you're like a self-sustaining battery with constant low charge?" I asked. She looked at me, confused. "Nevermind. If you don't want food, don't worry about it, but in general let's get you out of this alley." I pulled her along towards the curb, but she stayed rooted to the spot. "What's up?" I turned towards her to see that same examining, inquisitive face I'd seen on Castiel so often.

"You were crying as well." She stated, watching me. "Why? And why come to help me?"

"I lost a friend of mine." I answered. "And you seemed like you needed help."

"Does food… help with grief?" She asked. I thought for a moment.

"It doesn't hurt, but I don't know if it helps either." She seemed to be contemplating the idea. "You wanna try it, see if it helps?"

"Yes." She decided, reaching in to her inside jacket pocket. I could see now she was almost wearing a pantsuit type of thing. What she pulled out was a small wallet, sleek and black and professional. When she opened it, there was cash and cards and a driver's license and credit card, all under the name Caroline Johnson. "Is this enough to procure food to help with grieving?" She asked. I closed her hands quickly around the small wallet, and ushered her to place it back in her inner pocket.

"Let's not flash that around to everyone, alright?" I told her. She complied quickly, not quite understanding why but knowing that it was smarter to do as I said for the moment. People I knew to be not-quite-so-honorable were beginning to take notice of a professional-looking young woman speaking to a vagrant like me. "Your name is Caroline Johnson, if anyone asks. I'm your niece, Kylie Johnson. I'm nineteen years old." I looked at her for a moment, realizing something and automatically feeling ashamed for it.

"What's wrong?" The angel asked.

"My name actually is Kylie," I began. "But I didn't ask for yours."

"My name is Hannah." She said, smiling down at me.


	4. Ice Cream With An Angel

I walked with Hannah away from the alley, away from the graveyard, and down a couple blocks to a nearby ice cream stand that I knew was absolutely _phenomenal_.

"What do we do?" She whispered when we got in line.

"Act natural. You're going to go up to the window in the very front, order whatever flavor of ice cream you want, and wait for them to hand it to you a few minutes later." I whispered back.

"Are you getting some as well?" She asked. When I didn't reply, she spoke again. "You are being kind to me. I will purchase this ice cream for you as a thanks."

"Wow." I thought for a moment. Angels were serious on the treat others as they treat you kind of thing. Or at the very least, the ones I met were.

"What kind of flavor is good?" She whispered next. At that, I tried not to laugh.

"Chocolate is never a bad idea, but it's kind of just whatever you want." I answered. "I, personally, am a big fan of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream."

I could see more questions bubbling on her face as she examined the menu, and I took a look at it myself. Cup vs two different cones, one scoop or two or three, flavor combinations…

Oh, this poor angel was going to absolutely freak out, and cause others to take notice, if she asked all her questions right now.

"Tell me what flavor you want, and I'll order." I offered. She seemed grateful, and slowly but surely I saw the questions diminish as she focused on picking out a type of ice cream.

"What is Moose Tracks?" She asked after a few moments. "Do they put the hooves of moose inside the ice cream?"

"You know what a moose is, but not ice cream?" I asked in response. She nodded.

"They are one of my father's creatures." She answered. I took a deep breath.

"It's vanilla ice cream with chocolate fudge and peanut butter cups mixed in." I answered. She nodded at that.

"I will have the Moose Tracks flavor!" She decided, a little louder than need be. I shushed her, looking around to make sure nobody unusual had taken an interest, while still trying to stifle a laugh. Angels getting excited about ice cream… I wondered if Castiel would have the same reaction.

Castiel…

Hannah saw the sudden shift, and was about to make an inquiry, I could tell, but we were at the front of the line already. I ordered my chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in a small sugar cone, and got Hannah's Moose Tracks (ick) in a nice, large waffle cone, but with a cup just in case she didn't like the cone. Hannah came up to pay looking as confident as she could. "I'm her aunt." She stated, looking over at me way too obviously to smile. I smiled back, that slightly awkward teenage smile, and her words didn't seem so odd anymore. It actually was kind of like I was with my mom for a second, when she and I would go out for ice cream. She'd smile at the person in the stand, say that we were out for a mother-daughter treat away from the boys, and we'd sit in a booth or on a park bench just talking and eating our ice cream.

The only difference between then and now was that mom had hated Moose Tracks too.

But the ice cream came quickly, and I handed Hannah hers while steering us both towards a park bench without a lot of people around it.

We both sat down, and she watched me as I began to eat mine. "Go on, try it!" I urged her.

"What is the cup for?" She asked, staring at the spare object.

"It's in case you don't like your cone. It's edible, but if you decide it doesn't taste good then you can just dump it in to the cup and use a spoon." To prove my point, I brandished said plastic ware and placed it neatly inside the cup that sat between us.

"Alright." She said, examining her ice cream for a little longer before taking a bite. After a few moments, she looked at me delightedly.

"Good?" I asked her.

"Surprisingly, this doesn't taste like just molecules!" She exclaimed. I wasn't quite certain what she meant by that, but I figured it was an angel thing and didn't bother to question her while she was…

DAMN did she eat that fast, cone and all!

"I don't think I will be needing the cup." She said after a moment, using her napkin to wipe off her face delicately. I wasn't certain what else to say, so I tossed the cup and spoon in the recycling bin before I continued to eat my own.

"So, Hannah," I paused to take another bite and think before continuing. "What happened, if you don't mind me asking?" I motioned up above me with my cone.

"I don't know." She answered. I could tell she was still terrified, but was now visibly more relaxed. "Castiel… He was a part of casting us out. I don't know how or why, but he was, and it makes no sense."

I tensed visibly at that. She didn't sound happy about Castiel, didn't sound like she was a fan at all. And that didn't seem like Castiel's style, from what I knew. He made mistakes, sure, but he was more in to the helping people thing than throwing out other angels.

"What's wrong?" She asked, seeing me. "You wore that same expression before telling the man what to make."

"Ezekiel." I said quickly. Her brow furrowed in worry. She knew the name. "When you talked about angels falling, and when you looked like you had a million questions about ordering food, I thought of him." I took a deep breath. Time to keep my promise. "I was there when he died. He fell to the outskirts of Cheboygan. He landed alive, but was too badly hurt. I don't know if he could heal himself or if that power was gone from him, but he wasn't going to make it, and he knew. He told me to tell other angels that I met, that he had died trying to get back up; that he hadn't disappeared or ran away or been scared to die or let himself die without trying to save himself. He died honorably," I saw his face flashing behind my eyes, how broken he had been. "He did his best, and he asked for me to tell other angels I saw about that."

Hannah sighed deeply. "Many of us died in the fall, but it pains me to hear of such a good angel being one of them."

"I'm sorry for your losses."

"As am I to yours." She replied, remembering what I'd told her about my friend.

"So, what's your plan?" I asked her. "You're grounded on Earth, for the time being. You've got money, obviously, and an address you can go back to. If you wanted to, you could pretend to be human, live out a life here until you can go back upstairs."

She shook her head automatically. "No. That's not the honorable thing to do." I finished my ice cream and wiped off my face, then threw my napkin away. Hannah waited for me to finish the motions before I continued. "Many members of my family have died in this. Ezekiel was a great angel, one that would've worked to find a way back to Heaven. To honor his memory, it seems only fit that I do the same, and try to assist others in finding the way back."

"How are you going to do that?"

"I…." She took a deep breath. "I don't know."

"Well, that's as good of a place to start as any." I said, placing my elbows on my knees so I could rest my chin on the backs of my hands. Hannah copied my stance for a moment before reverting back to sitting straight.

"What about you?" She asked. I glanced over at her. "You have been brought back from Heaven, at the same time that we were cast out. What is your 'plan,' and how are you going to accomplish it?"

"I've been homeless for a while, so I guess I'll use the normal routes to make it back to a safehouse I holed up in for a bit." I wasn't certain if Dean, Sam, or Castiel would want me to tell her about the Bunker. "After that, I guess I'll just start trying to figure out how I got brought back. Research," I laughed. "Oh, some theologians are going to have a field day with this question."

"Metatron." She said after a few moments. I glanced over at her, confused. "He is the angel that cast the spell. He would've been the one to bring you back at that time as well."

"How do you know that?" I asked. She tapped her head.

"Angels can hear one another. Once one knows, we all know, and Metatron has not been entirely quiet about his ability to expel us from Heaven." She answered.

And here I was, thinking Metatron had been one of the good guys.

"But why bring me back?" I asked her. "Did he bring any others back?"

"I don't know." She looked down at the ground. "There are a great many things I still don't know."

I watched her think for a few minutes. "Well," I said, gaining her attention. "You now know that ice cream still tastes like molecules," still wasn't certain what she meant on that. "But good ones. You know not to flash your wallet and everything inside it around to everyone. You know the name of your vessel, in case you need to use her ID or card for anything. And, you know me." I pointed two thumbs at myself. "A homeless kid that used to be dead. You knew more than I did on the Metatron situation." I put a hand on her shoulder, trying to be comforting. "You know more than you think you do. It's just a question of gaining more information after that."

That seemed to cheer her up immensely. "I can do that." She said, nodding her head.

"Great! And eventually, with you keeping at it, you'll learn how to get the angels home again." She seemed so happy, now. So bright and intent and not quite so lost as she had been.

"Do you really believe I can do that?" She asked. I nodded.

"Hannah, I think if you put your mind to it, you can do a lot more than you think." I told her. "Even when you got the holy boot."

Then she did something surprising, something I didn't think angels would know how to do.

She leaned over and hugged me.

"I do not know why you were brought back," she said. "But I am glad you were. I would not have this purpose in me if I had not met you." I hugged her back tightly, knowing it was important to her.

"Stay safe, alright?" I told her. "On your grand quest. Make sure you don't get hurt or anything."

She nodded, excited to be off. "I will see you again." She said decisively. "When I have found the entrance once more, and aided my brethren in returning to Heaven, I will see you and thank you. You will always have a spot in Heaven, if I can do anything about it."

"Thanks," there was a whoosh, and she disappeared. "Man, I hope I can get in contact with her by praying." I looked at the seat where she had previously been, and saw a nice present from her. Three twenty dollar bills.

"THANK YOU HANNAH!" I shouted, now uncaring of who would stare and see me. I had sixty dollars, I had just had ice cream, and I'd helped an angel. I felt good.

I felt like I could be a little less scared now. Some angels were bad, yes. Metatron had brought me back and thrown out all the angels. If Castiel had been a part of it, I was certain he had been unwilling.

But I could do this, without being so scared. I had just helped a freaking _ANGEL_ , who gave me money! Man, if I can do that, I can make it back to the Bunker.

I can make it back alive, too.

I sat back in the park bench, looking around. "I can do this." I decided. "I can do this."


	5. Three Days

I wasn't able to call for three days. Over the course of those three days, I'd just been making my way down from LA to Lebanon, Kansas. No demons. No angels that I noticed. No nothing. But there also hadn't been any pay phones that hadn't been in use with a long line, or definitely not the kind that I would want to use.

At the end of three days I had 40 bucks, having caved and used 10 to purchase a really shitty backpack from a pawnshop, and the other 10 to legitimately purchase some food that would last a while. A bag of apples, a loaf of bread, and peanut butter. I'd found a small pocketknife in the dumpster, and after cleaning it off I finally felt like I was about to be at a sense of normal in my homeless experience. Sparingly using money for items that were only necessities, and keeping the rest when I had it for an emergency, or for someone who needed it.

And in those three days, I caved a little. I swung by Danny's old apartment before leaving LA, but I didn't go inside. I knew where she kept her spare laptop in case of an emergency.

She'd told me that if I ever needed it, all I would have to do was ask, and now she wasn't around for that.

"I hope that you're alright with this." I whispered, digging out the fake brick she'd had put in behind the dumpster. Lo and behold, though, there was a laptop, complete with a charger, a case, and a note.

A note?

I opened it up, scared and curious.

 _Hey Kai. If you're reading this, then I'm dead and you came for the laptop like I hoped you would. You're the only other person I told about this, and if I'd come with you to get it I would've taken out this note._

 _If you ever need another computer person, look up BradburyBunny in the contacts on this laptop. She's in there, and she's good. Very good._

 _You could've been one of us too, you know. You're smart. You're good with tech. If you weren't so damn stubborn you could've stayed with me, gone to high school or college or whatever. I don't know what demons were chasing you to make you decide against it, but I'm sorry they stopped you. Hopefully you'll finish your education, or do something great with your life. You're a good kid. I know you'll do good._

 _BradburyBunny probably doesn't know I'm dead, so if you wouldn't mind telling her that DannyPhantomOfTheOpera is dead, I'd be pretty grateful._

 _The computer is yours, it's always been yours. I got you an email set up under your name, too. Your real name. I've known for a while, I stay in touch with the missing persons reports. Even though it had been a bit, I still recognized you. You made national news, after all._

 _The email is KylieKai, same provider as mine. Password is my favorite song. Feel free to change it if you'd like._

 _Miss you. Hope you're ok. Don't die like I did._

 _Danny Fentoinelle_

I almost cried again as I read her note. Danny had been so kind to all of us... I hadn't realized that she'd only told me about the laptop. I hadn't realized how she'd been willing to help me out so much more.

I hadn't even realized she had known who I was.

But after those three days, I was up to speed. I'd sent an email out to BradburyBunny like she'd requested, but gotten no reply. I'd kept track of news reports and odd happenings that may or may not be angelic. I'd gotten solid directions on the fastest way to the bunker.

I just hadn't been able to make a call, except now I could because I'd been saving quarters I found off the ground. I could call again. I'd been praying to Castiel every night, but... Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

So I called Dean's number, and hoped it would work.

"Hello?" He asked. I almost jumped in excitement.

"Dean?!"

"Kai!" I heard his excitement for a moment, followed by a pause. "How do I know it's really you, and not some demon or something else?" Distrust.

I started off by repeating what I could remember of the demon exorcism, which seemed to earn a part of Dean's approval. "And Kevin hid in the closet."

"What's your real name?" He asked me. I froze.

"You guys found my wallet, didn't you?" I asked in response.

"Yes. If you can tell me your real name, I'll believe it's you." I took a deep breath. This was bound to happen sooner or later.

"My name is Kylie Dillinger." I said. "And I'm from Cheboygan, Michigan, if you were wondering."

"Alright. So it's really you." He amended. "How in the hell are you alive?! I watched you die, don't try to say you didn't, and I know Cas didn't bring you back."

"It was Metatron." I answered, saying the name quietly while looking around. "I don't know why, but he brought me back. Is Castiel ok?"

"Yeah, he's fine. I just got off the phone with him." Dean answered. "Well, fine-ish. He's a full human. Metatron double crossed him, tried to double-cross all of us, and used Cas' grace to kick out the other angels."

"Yeah, I ran in to two of them." I nodded as I spoke. No wonder Castiel hadn't answered. He probably hadn't been getting my prayers. He might not even know I'm alive. "They blame Castiel just as much as Metatron."

"He's making his way to the Bunker now, so hopefully he'll stay out of trouble until then." I thought about it for a moment. An angel, having to travel like a homeless person; like me.

It was almost comical.

"I'm headed that way as well." I answered. I could hear him thinking on the other line. "Hey, is Sam ok?"

Dean took a deep breath before answering. "Sam's doing fine-ish as well. I've got him covered, don't worry about it." I heard a rustling on his end. "Shit. I've gotta go. Be careful making your way back, alright? Be careful about which angels you talk to, and watch out for demons." I was about to say something, but Dean hung up before I could.

"Stay safe too." I whispered, hanging up the phone on my end. Castiel was alive and well. Human, but alive and well. Sam was apparently taken care of, according to Dean, and Dean sounded pretty damn fine. Sam hadn't completed the trials, though.

Something must've gone seriously wrong for Sam to not have completed the trials.

"Alright," I muttered to myself, walking away. I took a seat on a park bench, and pulled out the instructions I'd managed to print off. "I am here," I pointed to a small town on the map, and looked at it in despair. "Still in California." I muttered. "Great." I looked around, hoping for a faster way. A bike would probably cut my travel time in half.

I thought about it, and saw a bike rack with a very nice looking one over on the side. I wasn't a stranger to stealing. I wasn't a stranger to using what I needed to get by.

But I saw that bike, and I saw that it also belonged to someone. Someone who probably liked to ride it, someone who used it well, someone who owned it and who wouldn't want it to be gone.

I saw a damn bike, and I hoped I saw myself in the eyes of Castiel and the Winchesters. Something you wouldn't want to be stolen from you, something you wouldn't want to lose without knowing it.

I shook my head. "Damn Lazarus shit has me all sentimental." I muttered. But I walked away from the bike, towards my directions again.

 _Maybe I should make a hitchhiking sign instead,_ I thought. _Because that_ _ **never**_ _goes wrong._


	6. Dance To Your Daddy

Three weeks later, and I made it.

I fucking hitchhiked and walked and homeless-ambling made my way to the goddamn Bunker.

"And Sam and Dean wanted to drive me to Warsaw because it was dangerous." I muttered. I walked up to the door, tired and barely on my feet because it was almost damn near midnight, man. It was almost fucking MIDNIGHT, and I made it to the DAMN BUNKER IN THE FUCKING DARK. No angel trouble, no demon trouble, no trouble IN GENERAL.

I was also tired and running off of about five different types of energy drinks. I'd passed by a free samples thing and had definitely taken samples.

So I fucking _sauntered_ up to that damn door, like the mutha-fuckin' badass I felt like at the moment, and did the secret knock.

Nobody let me in.

That's when I realized it was midnight, I had no key, and the nice black Impala belonging to the Winchesters was nowhere in sight.

"I called them." I muttered. And I had, in fact, called once I had found a payphone in Kansas. I'd been down to my last ten dollars. Using that payphone was a luxury. However, I'd gotten the damn voicemail again. But I had told them I was almost there. I was certain I told them I'd be there soon.

However, that call was at least four days ago, and I hadn't had the chance to call again.

"Dammit." I muttered. I tried the door, tried the secret knock one more time, but no dice. "HEY! IF YOU'RE IN THERE, IT'S KAI….. LEE. IT'S KYLIE!" I shouted at the door.

Nobody opened it.

"Well, screw it." I muttered, sitting down in front of the door. I had enough food for the next three days, and there was a gas station maybe four hours walking away. I could wait a little longer.

But the second I leaned my back against the door, it opened behind me. "Kai?!" I heard Kevin's excited voice shout from above me. The back of my head landed hard on a pair of shoes, and when I looked up Kevin was looking down on me. "You're alive?!"

"Yeah," I said, kind of shocked. I didn't think Kevin would be here. He helped me up, and hugged me quickly.

"Oh thank… Well, whoever." He muttered. I hugged him back cautiously. "I… I…"

"What's wrong, Kevin?" I asked, pulling away. He looked… Ashamed. Terrified. Uncertain. "Hey, let's go inside and talk about this, ok?"

"Wait!" He said, stopping me from moving past him. He pulled out a small bottle of water. I thought he was going to offer me some, and was surprised to find him throwing it in my face.

I thought for a moment.

"Not a demon." I told him, reaching in to my backpack. I had thought it would come to this. I pulled out my pocketknife, and handed it to him first. "It's silver on the blade." I explained, reaching in for a small salt packet. I took it, showed him it had not been opened or tampered with, and promptly opened the thing to pour a small amount on my hand. "Salt doesn't hurt." I took the pocketknife from him after he was done checking it out, and made a small slice on my forearm with it. "And neither does silver. Am I clear now?"

"Yeah." He said, slightly surprised at my being prepared.

"Thank you." I put the pocketknife back in my pack, and walked past him in to the Bunker.

The first thing I saw inside was a hell of a lot of notes on the B.A.M.T., all surrounding a slab of stone I recognized instantly. "What in the hell are you translating now?!" I asked, staring at him as he closed the door behind us.

"The angel tablet." He explained. I stared at him longer, waiting for him to explain. He shook his head. "Look, I'm not technically supposed to be here right now," he started, moving past me down the stairs. I followed him down myself, listening to him talk as we moved towards the table. "Sam and Dean sent me off so that this wouldn't stress me out so much, kind of like a vacation sort of thing," he held up a keycard to a local motel as proof. "But I wanted to help them out while they were gone finding Castiel, and so I've been sneaking back here for about two hours each day to keep working so I don't fall too far behind." He showed me his work, out on display so proudly. It was like old times in the boat, when he felt good.

"Alright. Cool." I nodded my head. "So your version of rebellion is working extra?" I asked, nudging him a little as a joke. He looked over at me, and for a moment I just… I kind of worried. He looked like he had just been given something important back.

"You're alive." He muttered, hugging me again. This time, I hugged him back tight.

"I know." I whispered back. "I can't believe it either."

We held that embrace for a while; it was important to both of us. It was important to me because I still felt like I was in charge of him, just a little, and it made me feel good to see him feeling so much better, moving and smiling a little more and just seeming a bit happier. It was important to him, I think, because I wasn't a Hunter. Not fully. And I was one of the few people he interacted with that wasn't one of them.

Once we finally let go, though, he gave me the run-down of everything that had happened. Sam getting sick from the trials. Abaddon being lose. Sam and Dean going after Castiel to try and bring him back quicker.

"I don't know if I should feel hurt or not that they didn't come for me too." I said, smiling as I sat down across the table from Kevin. He procured two water bottles, ones that weren't holy water, and tossed one to me. We'd moved his notes and the damned angel tablet out of the way so we could talk, like friends did.

"They know you can take care of yourself." Kevin answered, smiling. "Castiel, on the other hand… I don't quite think he's used to the whole idea of not being able to just fly wherever he wants, or knock out whatever humans he needs to."

"He can knock people out?" I asked. Oh, this was new information.

"Oh yeah. Think Spock, but with two fingers to the forehead." To accentuate his point, he placed his index and middle finger on the center of his forehead, and then promptly pretended to pass out. I giggled, taking a nice sip of water.

"That's one of the most useful superpowers I've ever heard of." I decided. "Think about it. Someone bothering you? BAM!" I put two fingers to my forehead. "Knock 'em out, no violence necessary. People talking too long in conversation?" Two fingers again. "BAM! Knock them out too, without even having to put effort in to it."

"Can't sleep for whatever reason?" Kevin added, doing the two fingered thing himself. "BAM! You get sleep, you get sleep, EVERYBODY GETS SLEEP!"

We both fell to the table laughing, actually having fun. Kevin smiled, checking his phone. "Crap." He muttered.

"What?"

"I've got to get back to the motel. Sam and Dean will be here in an hour." He showed me the text from Sam. I looked at the papers we'd pushed aside, and the tablet somewhere buried by them.

"Show me where your room is." I instructed. "Then go. I'll get this stuff put away and organized like you like." I saw him smile again, and damn did it feel good to see him smile. He was a great friend, probably one of the best I'd had.

Once he showed me where his room was (three doors down and a left from where mine had been), he hurried away quickly. "OH!" He turned around, remembering something before he left. "Don't go in the archives room."

"Why?" I asked.

"It's a…. Umm…." He thought for a moment. "It stinks. Awful. Like something died in there." He wafted away an imaginary stench from his nose.

I knew he was lying. He was an awful liar. "Alright. Thanks for the warning!" I lied back, waving him off. He believed me, though, and almost ran out the door.

So I got everything put back in Kevin's room, organized by the labels he would put at the top corner of every page. As for the tablet, he'd put that under his pillow himself before leaving. Once I was done, I had about ten minutes before Dean and Sam were supposed to be back with Castiel.

"I'll wait for them." I decided, walking back towards the main room. That was when I heard it.

A noise.

A familiar noise that sounded vaguely human.

And it was singing from the archives room.

" _Dance to your daddy,_

 _Ma bonnie laddie,_

 _Dance to your daddy, ma bonnie lamb!_

 _An ye'll get a fishie_

 _In a little dishie,_

 _Ye'll get a fishie, when the boat comes home."_

No. Absolutely not.

I followed the noise to the archives room, to a spot in the back covered with, well, archives stuff. But when I pulled on it….

I saw their torture dungeon, like from the video. But there was an occupant inside it.

And the last time I saw that occupant, they were looking at me smugly.

They didn't look so smug, now. More surprised than smug. But he kept singing.

" _Dance to your daddy,_

 _Ma bonnie laddie,_

 _Dance to your daddy, ma bonnie lamb!_

 _An ye'll get a coatie,_

 _And a pair o' breekies,_

 _Ye'll get a whippie, an a soople Tam."_

Once he finished, he stared at me. "You were dead." Crowley stated, watching me with interest. I was in absolute shock.

"Not anymore." I answered. I didn't stop in my movements, didn't stop to look at him. All I saw was a bound and chained demon to punch.

And that's exactly what I did.

Right across the fucking jaw.

"What _is it_ with you _animals_ and sucker punches?!" He asked, rotating his jaw a little. "I know you're not that weak. **COME ON, HIT ME**!"

And boy, was I about to. I had my fist back, ready to swing at his face again, when I saw it.

I saw he was chained.

He couldn't move.

He couldn't even scratch his own damn arms.

And he was bloodied and bleeding, like someone else had gone to beat at him.

"I'd rather let the Winchesters deal with you." I replied, listening. I could hear them, in the main room, talking with Castiel.

Castiel was back.

And the Winchesters wouldn't dare let this… This murderer, this _demon_ , stay here alive without good reason.

So I walked away, ready to go say hello and ask them what the hell was going on with Crowley.

"Your mother was a demon." Crowley reminded me. I ignored him, and kept walking. "She was one I didn't like. That's why I killed your family." I froze, almost at the threshold of where I would slide the shelves closed. "The demon that possessed your mother tried to help raise Lucifer. She ended up siding with the Winchesters against me. I killed your family, I hunted you down, to find another demon that was more important than you." He said smugly. "And in the end, I still killed her, so it looks like you're the only person left."

I was about to turn. I was about to wail on him and absolutely murder him. I could still see them, see all of them in my mind's eye.

My only hope for family being left was that my mom was still alive, and now she wasn't either.

All because of that demon behind me.

So I almost turned, almost went and let lose my own demons until they drowned him out, but I stopped.

Because I heard Castiel talking to the Winchesters again.

I kept moving forwards, and closed the shelves behind me. Hekept talking, but I didn't listen.

I wanted to say hi to some people, people that weren't there to hold me back in the past.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

 **Hey there, it's WriKai! Alright, so, just in case some of you were wondering, the song I had Crowley singing IS a traditional Scottish song. It's called "Dance To Your Daddy" and I found it here at songs/blsongs_**

 **Hope you guys like this chapter! Next one will be up soon! So happy to see you guys continuing to follow this!**


	7. Castiel in April

As I approached the main room, I kept hearing the brothers and Castiel talk.

"Yes, there's more to humanity than survival. You... look for purpose, and you must not be defeated by anger or despair. Or hedonism, for that matter." Castiel. What was that about hedonism?

"Where does hedonism come into it?" Dean. I decided to be quiet and listen for a little bit, but something in the pit of my stomach told me that this was not a conversation I wanted to hear.

"Well, my time with April was very educational." Who was April?

"Yeah. I mean, I would think that getting killed is something." Sam spoke, and I felt worry for a moment. Castiel had been killed? Why was he alive as well, then?

Then Castiel answered, and I felt like I had just had a thousand pounds dropped in to my heart.

"And having sex."

Oh.

Dean choked on something as I continued to listen. "You had sex with April?" He asked. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't listen to this anymore. I walked out in to the main room, behind Castiel, who was sitting at the B.A.M.T.

"Yeah, that would be where the hedonism comes in." Sam answered. Dean shushed him, seeing me, and then Sam saw me too. Both stared at me for a moment in shock, and slowly but surely Castiel turned around to see me too.

"Who's April?" I asked. I don't know why I felt so hurt, but I did. I felt like I had just taken a dip in the iciest water I could think of.

"Kylie," Castiel said my voice almost… Like he was suddenly ashamed, or nervous, or like he was a mix of elated and very, very sorry.

"April is a reaper that tried to kill Cas." Dean said awkwardly. "And Cas, we were going to surprise you with Kylie being alive."

Castiel turned to glare at them for a moment before turning back to look at me. "Kylie, I," I shook my head, cutting him off.

"Glad to see you too, Castiel." I said, my voice flat. I'd been so worried for this son of a bitch, and he was fine. He was perfectly fucking fine, and had apparently been fucking his way back to the Bunker. "I'm going to go pack my things. I think I need to leave."

"Now Kylie, come on," Sam started, but I stared at him in rage.

"No, I need to leave." I re-stated. "Because I can't stay in the same damn place as an angel that was, apparently, pulling some sort of Bond shit to deal with his assassin," I resisted the urge to point at Castiel. "AND the goddamn DEMON that KILLED ME, BY THE WAY! I can't do both at once!" Sam and Dean both looked surprised by my knowing of Crowley's presence. "Yeah. I found him. Nice dungeon, by the way. So I think it's best that I go, right now, until I can… I don't know, learn to just DEAL with everything right now, because I was FUCKING DEAD." I took a deep breath, steadying myself. "But apparently that fact didn't matter to you guys as much."

I turned around, walking out of the room in silence. I heard Dean ask Castiel if he'd had protection.

"I had my angel blade." Castiel answered distractedly. I walked much faster after that, headed to my room.

And once the door to my room was closed behind me you can bet I slammed that motherfucking _STUPID_ excused for a backpack down on the motherfucking bed. When I looked over to the chair next to my bed, I saw my backpack.

MY backpack. Red. Canadian flag on it. Go USA.

I ran to it quickly, and opened it to find everything still inside. My daggers. My bombs. My notebook. My wallet.

My wallet.

I pulled it out instantly, and opened it to grab the picture of my family inside. I looked at each face of my family for a while, and focused on my mom's last.

She was dead. She had been possessed by a demon, and had died with me thinking that she was some sort of awful mother; with me hating her.

"I'm sorry, mom." I whispered. I'm sorry for blaming you. I'm sorry for hating you. I'm sorry for not believing in you.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, mom, that you died and we weren't there for you.

"I hope you're with dad and Art and Josiah." I said, staring at her smiling face for a long time. The face that used to tuck me in at night. The face that used to tell me I was doing good on my homework. The face that told me I could do anything, if I tried.

The face I still remembered slapping me.

The face I could see, in the back of my mind, with black eyes and a cruel smile.

I hate demons. I hate all of them.

I shook myself out of my reverie, and started re-packing. Moving things from crappy backpack to my good backpack that still had plenty of room. Using clothes for padding, clothes that I'd still had in this room, clothes that Dean and Sam hadn't gotten rid of.

They'd left all my stuff in my room, still.

And Crowley was still not even one hundred feet away, still singing more than likely.

I kept packing to leave. I couldn't be here right now, not when things were so… Confusing, in my mind. Even more so than when I'd initially tried to wrap my head around being ALIVE again, which was still just… Just there and big and something I wasn't certain as to what I should be doing about.

A few minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. I glanced over, still packing, and saw that it was Dean.

"I'm sorry for freaking out." I started off. "It's just all a big mess in my head that I'm still trying to work through, and I don't know why I blew up. I was angry at first, yeah, when I saw Crowley, but then it just got worse and," I stopped myself, realizing I was blabbering. "I'll be gone in a little bit, don't worry. And back in a few days. I just need to figure out some stuff, clear my head. I'm sorry, I promise I'll be fine, but I just really need to let my head clear. My goal was to get here, and I did it, but now," I stopped turning to look at Dean. "You used to be dead, and then you weren't. How did you figure that out? How did you… How did you cope with that?"

"I went to Hell." Dean answered. "So mine consisted of a lot of nightmares and trying to tough it out. Getting back on the horse, whole nine, you know?" I thought for a moment, and in my lack of response he continued to speak. "Castiel is leaving the Bunker."

That made me freeze even more. "Why?"

"He can't stay," Dean started to explain. "Sam is still healing, and angels will be on his ass and on our asses. It's not safe for us, or for Kevin while he's still trying to translate."

"I thought this was the safest place in the world."

"I don't want to test that against an army of pissed-off angels, PLUS an army of demons looking for their king on top of it."

"Then kill the damn demon!" I argued. "Problem solved!"

"It's not that simple, Kylie." Dean told me, his voice beginning to rise to match mine. "Crowley is giving us names, names of other demons that we can kill. Why kill just one when we can use one to lead us back to fifty more?!"

"And you're certain he's giving you those fifty more?" I asked. "How many has he given you so far?"

Dean didn't answer for a few minutes. "Two." He answered. I laughed.

"He's playing you." I resumed packing as I spoke. "And I'd rather go off with Castiel right now than I would like to stay under the same roof as the demon that gutted me."

"Good, because that's what I was going to ask you." Dean shot back. I stopped once more, staring at him.

"What?"

"Cas doesn't know his way around the world as a human, much less a homeless one." He said. "You do. I was going to ask if you would mind going with him, since you were leaving anyways."

I couldn't tell what was the lesser of two evils. On one hand, I hated the thought of staying here with a demon. On the other hand, I felt… I don't know. Hurt, by Castiel, and for no good reason, but for some reason hearing that he'd slept with a reaper (I struggled to remember what in the hell that was) made me feel like I'd been stabbed in the back by him; like I'd been about to take a huge leap, and learned that the person in charge of making sure I made it back to the ground forgot to pack my parachute.

Why was this all so confusing?

"I know it's probably not what you want to do," Dean continued. "But he needs help. You heard what he said. He can't tell a friend from an enemy out there." THAT was a delicate way of putting it. "So would you please, just… Go with him? Make sure he doesn't die out there? He's got reapers and angels and who knows what else after him, and I can't be with him, or keep him here." He watched my reactions carefully. "You did a good job of protecting Kevin, a great job. I'm sorry for shouting at you, I'm sorry for what I said, because you really did do good at keeping the poor bastard sane. Cas needs you for that same reason too, now."

I thought about what he was saying, and it was another lesser of two evils. I could stay pissed, and leave him alone until I'd dealt with it, or I could go with Castiel and keep him safe, albeit still being unhappy with him.

"Fine." I agreed. I couldn't ever leave someone alone who needed help, I knew that. "But you realize I'm not even a full Hunter, right?"

"You died and came back." He answered, and in his eyes I could see a heavy weight settle over him. "If that doesn't make you a Hunter, I don't know what does."

 _Maybe more training_ , I thought back in response.


	8. Dean POV

"I don't feel right about them leaving." Sam muttered to me after the pair had left. Cas looked surprised at Kylie's joining him, explaining her presence with a gruff "let's go."

"Castiel didn't want her to go off alone." I replied, lying still. Well, not technically lying. He didn't want her alone. But he also hadn't expected her to go with him anyways. "He's trying to figure out what got her all… You know, man! Woman pissed." I shrugged, shaking my head. Still not far from the truth. "Poor guy probably doesn't even know."

"I doubt she does, either." Sam added. We both laughed for a moment. "But still," he kept thinking, and I knew I would need to cover soon.

"She wasn't raised like us, Sam." I reminded him. "This whole 'back from the dead' thing isn't something she ever believed in, I don't think. She's not certain what to do to figure this out."

"And you think putting her with Cas will help her figure things out?" He asked incredulously. I shrugged again.

"He died too, and came back like us." I pointed out. "And now he needs to learn how to cope with being human. Kylie knows how to be human, and just needs to know how to cope with being alive again. They'll balance each other out." I nodded. "Yeah, Loverboy and Lazarita will definitely balance each other out."

Sam thought about it for a moment and nodded. "Fair enough." He conceded. "But man, I could see it. If Cas hadn't been telling us about April," I cut him off. I didn't even want to THINK about Cas and the reaper. It was just… Weird.

"I know, I know." I said. "I could see it too, in both of them."

"How long do you think it'll be before they figure it out?" Sam asked. I thought for a moment.

"I give it six months, with Castiel admitting it first." I decided. Sam looked like he didn't believe me. "What, you think you can estimate it better?"

"Four months." He answered. "Kylie saying it first." He looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth. "It feels weird, calling her Kylie now."

I thought about it.

"Yeah, it does." I agreed. We both stood there, watching the door. "20 bucks?" I asked. Sam nodded.

"Deal." We shook hands, still looking at the door, and the bet was made.

"I'm glad that… That everyone is ok with this." I said, still looking at the door. I could feel when it wasn't Sam anymore, and looked over at Zeke.

"She'll do fine." He told me. "She has the knowledge to navigate through humanity that Castiel does not."

"But why was having her here a flight risk, too?" I asked.

"She is a sharp one. Smart. She would take note of Sam missing parts of time or forgetting things." He answered. "And she was raised from death. Any angel could see that upon looking at her."

"Can you still see that on me and Sam?" I asked. Ezekiel shook my brother's head.

"No. It has faded from you both. But it will take time for death to purge itself from her countenance. Two angels have seen her already, and known she was brought back. If more see her here, they will follow to see if she can lead them back to Heaven."

"So how long until the both of them can come back in the Bunker?"

"When Sam and I are both fully healed, everything should be fine." He answered.

"Alright." Neither of us said any more, and I could feel Sam shift back in to being, well, Sam.

"You hungry?" He asked me. I didn't look over, just nodded my head.

"Nah," I still felt the guilt in my stomach; the kind that not even an angel helping you out can dissuade. "I think I'm good for now."

"Alright, suit yourself."


	9. Desperate Times, You Know?

I learned a few things pretty quickly about Castiel that could be summed up in to a few one word sentences. Specifically, things to describe him as he tried to move about as a human.

Helpless.

Hopeless.

Clueless.

Curious.

Clumsy.

Those were the things that summed up Castiel as a human. He didn't understand, for the most part. He'd been learning as he went, and understood the value of money and making choices, but when it came to physically talking and interacting with people, or trying to acquire funds…

Two "H" words, three "C" words. I bet you can guess what they are.

And I still, just… The first few days were difficult, and I'll admit, it was partially because of me. I was still so confused and angry when I know I shouldn't have been that angry or confused, but I still was. I couldn't help it. Every time I looked at him, all I heard in the back of my mind was his talking about April, who was apparently dead, but had tried to kill him first.

I think the only thing we both agreed on was that I needed a new tattoo. I still had my no-demons-allowed one (although I found it odd that the scar I'd had under it was gone, as were many other old signs of injuries), but Castiel told me I needed a new one as well, one to get myself off the angel's radar.

I asked him curtly if there were any other wardings I would need, and his response was a yes, but that they would need to be engraved in to my ribs.

That was something that had to be postponed due to his lack of angelic powers, however it made the idea of getting the anti-angel tattoo less painful. He drew it out for me, and I got it right in between my shoulder and breastbone on my left side.

And then it came to getting food and water. And cleaner clothes for Castiel so that he had at least one change, along with a toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant.

They were all luxuries in the homeless world, all things that you hoped and prayed to have.

I essentially wasted my money outfitting the ex-angel with stuff for him to put in the second-rate backpack I had tossed at him before we'd left, and pawned off one or two pairs of clothing of my own (good-bye other tennis shoes) so that we could have some granola bars, a set of cheap-ass walkie talkies miscellaneous essentials cash.

And then wouldn't you believe it, I added a new word to the list of things I learned about Castiel being human. It doesn't start with a "C." It doesn't start with an "H."

It starts with a "U."

Why Pat, you magnificent host on Wheel of Fortune, I'd like to make a guess at the word.

Is it… Unlucky?

Why yes! Yes it is! I win! I win the big prize!

I win Castiel coming down with a very human cold while we're up in Idaho. We'd taken a bus up there (with tickets pilfered by yours truly, knowledge Castiel most certainly didn't need to know), because I knew a few different homeless communities up there that were safe to be around.

It had been raining, it had been raining for the past three damn days, and I swear to whoever I TOLD HIM to stay with me, to NOT wander off in the damn freezing rain.

And what does the idiot do?

HE WANDERS OFF IN THE FREEZING RAIN. I turned away for a MINUTE to find us somewhere we could shelter up, and he was GONE. Absolutely GONE.

"Clarence!" I shouted, using the fake name he'd suggested so as not to draw attention from other angels. "CLARENCE!" No answer. "Dammit." I muttered, running under a small overhang in front of a shop. "Where did you go?"

"I'm right here." He suddenly said from behind me. I whirled around, and saw a shop door closing a little ways behind him. "Is something wrong? Are you injured?"

"No, I'm fine." I shrugged him off. "Where did you go? We have to stick together."

"You like hot tea." He stated, lifting up his hands. I saw a cup nestled between them, steaming in the cold air. "I thought you might want some."

My first instinct was to lecture him on money, and how it was important not to waste it on frivolous things, but then I stopped myself.

Castiel knew that already. He'd already done that firsthand.

He'd gotten me the tea because he didn't see it as frivolous, he saw it as a necessity to me to help me feel better.

"Thank you." I took it graciously, and enjoyed a small sip. It was actually my favorite kind, chamomile, and I wondered for a moment how he knew that. "Do you want some?" I offered him.

He didn't take the damn tea.

I swear, if he'd taken a sip he wouldn't have gotten sick. If he hadn't wandered off in to the freezing rain he wouldn't have gotten sick.

If he had had a decent immune system built up, he wouldn't have gotten sick.

But a few days later, he was shivering in his tan coat, clothes in the backpack absolutely soaked, and running a slightly alarming fever according to the back of my hand.

And we were still in Idaho, just barely out of the rain due to some fancy cardboard work I'd pulled.

"Dammit." I muttered, sitting next to him. He was shivering and feverish and chittery and tired and DAMMIT. This was NOT the time to be sick.

"I'm fine." He assured me, trying to get up. He promptly sat down again, more than likely feeling some sort of awful rush over him. "I just need a little bit of time and I'll be fine."

"You're sick, Castiel." I stated. "You need to eat." I pulled out some slightly soggy bread and my bottle of water, handing both to him. He just shook his head at the pair. "Yes. Eat!" I encouraged, maybe just a little harshly.

"We're running low on food." He answered. "You have three granola bars, that slice of bread, 22 liters of water, and an apple."

Damn.

"Yeah, well, I can always go get more food." I reminded him. "I can't just run out to the gas station and buy a new Castiel. So eat." I pushed it towards him again. "It'll help you feel better."

He looked at the food, and I saw the feeling of sickness. I saw that look where everything you smell makes you feel like it won't stay down. "I promise, you won't throw up." I lied, pushing it towards him again.

That time, he ate. He ate, and he fell asleep shortly afterwards, still shivering in his sleep. I checked his fever with the back of my hand again.

It was getting worse.

I sat there beside him, thinking about our options. Castiel needed out of this rain, out of his fever, out of his sickness.

There were a lot of forests in Idaho. A lot of places you could go to camp and nobody would care.

And there was a camping store maybe three miles from where we were.

"I'll be right back." I whispered, making my choice. I still hated doing this, but sometimes, things were essential.

So I jacked a tent and a sleeping bag, and I fucking sprinted out of that damn store and in to the rain. No class. No secrecy. Just grab two and sprint.

I ran and hid and ran some more for a good twenty minutes after that before finally returning to Castiel. He was awake, and looked…. Scared.

"You left." He said. I grabbed our bags, and did my best to help him up.

"We have to move, now." I told him urgently. He got up the best he could, both of us destroying our small cardboard fort in the process.

"You left." He repeated.

"And now I'm back. I've been doing that a lot, apparently." I didn't even think as I spoke. I was too busy listening for sirens. "But right now, we have to run."

"What happened?" He asked, seeing the new items I held. I shoved the sleeping bag in his backpack, and slung both packs over my shoulders.

"I'll tell you later, I promise. But right now, we need to GO." I started moving, grasping his hand and pulling him along with me. Once I was certain he could walk, I started running, pulling him along with me. We stumbled, slid, and almost tripped as we ran through the rain, but we ran and ran and ran in to the forest for a good few miles, ran until Castiel was dry-heaving and puking up the small amounts of food he'd had earlier.

Ran until we found a stream and I was certain we'd be ok.

"Sit over here." I pulled him towards a tree, and helped him down. I put the packs with him, and hoped that the rain might do something to help his fever. I knew the running certainly hadn't.

I set up the tent as fast as I could, and cursed myself for grabbing such a small one. It would just barely fit the two of us, but then again I only really needed it for one person, didn't I?

Once it was up, though, I grabbed Castiel and our stuff, and got us all in the damn tent.

"There." I said, taking a deep breath. "This will keep us from the rain. And I even got you a sleeping bag." I said, bringing it out of his backpack. "We won't use it right now, not while you're still a little warm," I checked his fever. It hadn't gotten better, but it hadn't gotten worse either. "But later, it's all yours buddy. Every homeless guy's dream. For right now, though," I rooted around in my own back pack, and brought out some generic medicine pills that were supposed to be good for fevers, headaches, etc. "I'm pretty certain it's been four hours, so you're clear to take some more medicine after you eat."

He didn't argue this time when I cut our only apple in half, and handed him one. He just took it and started eating while I ate the other one. Once he was gone, I gave him his water bottle this time, and two pills for his fever that he downed like a pro.

"There." I repeated, putting on my best smile. "You'll start feeling much better soon now."

"You were gone." He said after a little bit. I felt my smile fall.

"I know. I had to go get the tent and sleeping bag. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you." I replied, and I truly did feel awful. He had woken up, sick and alone and in the rain, more than likely hearing sirens. I'd been there before.

It wasn't something I'd like to repeat.

"I thought I had been dreaming." His voice wasn't quite his, yet. It was still holding something, something that upset him.

"Dreaming about what?"

"You being alive again." He looked over at me, and I saw how tired he was. Not tired like sick tired, tired like he just didn't know what to do. "I thought I'd been dreaming you being alive, dreaming that you came with me, dreaming that you might forgive me." He stared at me, and I could see some fever delirium setting in. "Am I dreaming? Are you still dead?"

"No, Castiel, I'm not dead." I said, grasping one of his hands lightly. He held on like it would stop him from falling, and stared at the hand in wonder. "And you're not dreaming. I'm here with you. I…" I took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have been mad at you in the first place, I had no right to be, and I'm sorry for that. I forgive you." I told him, placing my other hand on top of ours. "I forgive you Castiel."

"Quit calling me that." He requested. I was confused, for a moment. "Sam and Dean call me Cas, and they say it's because they like me, and that I'm their family. Do you like me, Kylie?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Then quit calling me Castiel." He ordered. "Call me Cas, please. It's been bothering me for a long time now."

"Alright, then." I gave him a short hug. "I forgive you, Cas."

"Thank you." I could feel him smiling, and after a few moments we broke apart so I could help him out of his trench coat. Since we weren't in the rain anymore, all that it would do was make him worse.

As I helped him out of it, I saw a slightly soggy folded up paper fall out of it. I picked it up once his coat was thrown to the corner. "What's this?" I asked, examining the object.

It was a card, like one you'd purchase at a store.

And it was an apology card.

"You were upset with me…" He said. I looked up at him, listening intently. "That's the real reason why I wandered off. The tea was only an afterthought. I was going to give it to you after it started raining."

I took a second longer to glance at the apologizing tabby kitten on the front before opening up the card.

 _I am sorry that you believed I had forgotten about you. I am still uncertain as to why it hurt you, but I do understand that it did, and for that I apologize for my actions causing you pain. I hope that you can forgive me and continue to trust me._

"Aw, Cas…" I looked over at him, about to hug him a second time and tell him I forgive him however many times I needed to.

And I could clearly see him sitting up with a slight slouch, just like I did, fast asleep.

So I carefully laid him down so he could rest better, and placed his backpack under his head as a pillow. "I forgive you Cas, I promise. Just please get better." I pleaded, hoping not to wake him. I could hear the rain beat on against the thin layer of fabric we had called a tent. It seemed like it would break any second, almost, and bear us both to the elements once more. "Please get better. For all your faults and mishaps, I can't do this without you. You're the only person I have right now. So please, please Cas," I gripped his hand lightly again. "Please get better, and get better soon."

It was getting dark, and I was tired as well.

But I could've sworn he squeezed my hand for a second, almost in reassurance that he would indeed be better soon.


	10. A Not-So-Gratuitous Shirtless Castiel

The next morning, three things broke.

The first was the rain, giving way to bright sunshine.

The second was Castiel… I mean, Cas' fever.

And the third was me, in to a smile, upon seeing such absolutely wonderful luck.

I knew Castiel felt better when I woke up, first cursing myself for falling asleep, then frantically looking around to see Castiel was NOT in the tent, although his coat still was in the corner, slightly rumpled.

In my defense, it had been a very comfortable pillow.

But when I poked my head out, I saw Castiel's bare back outside, sitting out in the dew and letting the sun rain down on him. His shirt and a few other wet clothes from our bag were laying out in the sun nearby him.

"Casti-," I paused, remembering his request. "Cas?" I asked. He turned, looking over at me, and smiled.

"It stopped raining." He said. I smiled back at him, absolutely enjoying the simplicity of the scene before me.

"Yeah, it did." I agreed. I ducked back in the tent for a minute to grab his coat, and went slowly to sit with him outside, almost as if he were a deer or something that I feared scaring off.

Castiel still wore his pants, thank GOD. Once I saw that, I moved towards him much easier, and laid out his coat in the sun along with my own hoodie I had. Afterwards, I moved to check his temperature.

No fever.

Absolutely none whatsoever.

Satisfied, I sat beside him, enjoying the sun myself. "Did I," he almost looked embarrassed when I glanced over at him. "Did I do the right thing?"

"Yeah, Cas." I nodded for emphasis. "It was a really smart idea." He looked so relieved by the affirmation.

I didn't bother to mention that it wasn't normal for a guy to just lay his shirt out unless he was alone. He just seemed so… I honestly think the word is stoked. So absolutely stoked that he had done something right.

"Thank you for the card." I said a few moments later, and I saw Castiel get shy again.

"Thank you for your forgiveness." He responded. I laid out in the grass, relaxing just a little bit while Castiel continued to sit, hands back behind him in support.

We both just… were there, in those moments. We weren't worrying about angels or demons or sickness, but instead just enjoyed the moments of peace out in the forest, under a sun we hadn't seen in a few days.

It's an odd way to describe it, but for the first time I felt like I really was there, solid, in the moments and scenery and space and thoughts and whole world that was around me, around us.

And by whoever, it was one of the most freeing feelings in the world.

"I like this." Castiel stated. I turned my head to face him, and saw he was tilted slightly towards me as he spoke. I most definitely did not stare, nor even glance, at his abs as I spoke with him. Like a true lady, I kept my eyes right on his.

"I do too."

"Are you still… Unhappy?"

"It takes too much effort to keep being unhappy with a person." I explained. "It makes you tired and more irritable and really doesn't help in improving a situation. So no," I looked back up at the scenery before us. "I'm not unhappy. Not anymore."

"Then I like this even more." His voice was decisive, and I could hear his own gaze return to what was in front of us.

"Why's that?"

"Because you are here with me," I looked back over at him to see him still sitting there, eyes closed and letting his face bask in the sunlight. "And you are happy, as am I." He stopped, turning to look at me and face me and see me, and there it was again.

That smile.

The one that would, under normal circumstances, not even make me question whether he was human or not.

But then again, he was human now, wasn't he? He wasn't an angel, most certainly. Angels don't get sick. Angels don't bask in the sunlight.

But angels do look that… Heavenly, I guess. An innocence mixed in with absolute beauty, if that makes any sense.

It did to me as I watched him. Painters would probably kill for the view I had right now.

"You're staring at me." He stated. I snapped out of my reverie to see him looking back at me, confused. "Is there something wrong? Is there an insect on me?" He started looking around his torso to try and find the invisible, nonexistant bug.

"No, no, there's nothing." I said quickly. "I was just… Thinking."

"What about?" He inquired, looking back at me. I almost got lost again, just in… Well… The portrait I could see in my mind. I was a shit artist, but man, if I could paint…

"Nothing important." I lied. He was important, after all. But I couldn't tell him what I was thinking. That would be just a little odd, even to an ex-angel figuring out how to be human.

"Alright, then." He said, believing me. I went back to laying on the ground, looking up at the bits of sky and sun covered by leaves above me.

I thought about it, thought about why I'd been so angry with him, when looking at him now all I could see was a person that I was happy to be with, at this moment. Someone who'd been thoughtful, who'd been kind, who'd gotten up early to lay out clothes, but hadn't woken me up because he cared, more than likely.

He was an adult, and a consenting adult. I had no right to be angry or hurt by his decision; by…. April.

April who was dead, by the way. And who more than likely wouldn't be coming back.

Not like I had.

I closed my own eyes to bask in the light. I was happy. I wasn't going to let those thoughts poison my good mood. I was just going to enjoy this moment, while it still existed. It was hard to be angry when it took that much effort, like I was continually pushing on a rock that just wouldn't go up.

And then there was Castiel, breaking that rock somehow, just by being there and being… HIM.

Man, wouldn't Sisyphus wish he had his own Castiel?

I was happy to have him here, have him alive, and have him healthy.

For the first time since I came back, I was quite simply just… Happy.


	11. The World's Second-Largest Ball of Twine

We didn't stay there in the peaceful little camp for much longer, sadly. We had to leave a day or two later, and in general managed to leave the woods in a new state via hitchhiking. It's not uncommon for campers to get lost, after all.

So over a few weeks we just… Went, I guess. Traveled around back down to Kansas. Cas told me he had never seen the world's second-largest ball of twine in Cawker, and… I don't know. It was an idea. I went with it. Castiel followed dutifully, asking questions about humanity as we went.

"Why create a large ball of twine?" He asked.

"It's one of those things that you just do, to see if you can do it." I answered as we walked, holding up a cardboard sign as we went. Long before then we'd sold the tent at a pawn shop I knew wouldn't ask questions, but I told Cas to keep the sleeping bag. It was his, and he proudly stored it in his backpack and used it when it was cold and I was keeping watch. When he asked if I wanted to use it, I always shook my head and told him I had my hoodie.

And now we were in another bus, a short one from a few towns over that was supposed to go through Cawker. "Why do humans feel the need to do these things?" He asked next. "Climb mountains, set records, spin the second-largest ball of twine… I thought it was simply human adventure, human spirit, but I feel there is something I am missing."

"What do you want to do most in the world?" I asked him in response. He thought for a minute.

"I do not know." He answered, still thinking. "Pass as human, I believe that would be an adequate answer."

"What if I told you that you couldn't do it?" I continued. "That it was impossible, something that couldn't be done. I mean, come on! An ANGEL," I hushed my voice on the last word. "Wingless and graceless, trying to make it as one of us common people? It can't be done."

"Why can't it?" He asked, starting to bristle. I laughed.

"Cool it, Cas. I was making my point." I explained. "That feeling you felt, that defiance and determination in here," I poked the center of his chest, and he stared down at the spot I pointed to. "That's what spurs people on to do things like that. Humans don't like being told we can't do anything, so we go out and do it. It's what spurs on our adventurous spirit."

"So, your kind does things because they detest being told they cannot?" He asked. I smiled.

"Almost right." I said. "You're one of us, now that you've felt it."

"Ah." He sat back, contemplating that.

He contemplated it all the way to the largest ball of twine. I'd splurged on a disposable camera, as a whim, so that he could take pictures if he wished. I knew it would cost money to get them developed and printed, but in my mind, by then we would have the money to do it. So Castiel took pictures, and I took the camera from him with a smile after a few minutes.

"Here, you get in the shot." I told him, holding up the camera. He stood in front of the ball of twine in question, and a little to the side. "Alright, put your hand out, palm flat, like you're pushing something."

Confused, he complied. "Tilt your hand a little to the back." I requested, lining up the shot. Once again, he complied. "Great! Now make an expression like you're pushing really hard with that one hand."

"What expression is that?" He asked, and oh my that confused expression was priceless in tandem with the appearance of him pushing a ball of twine. I couldn't help it, I took a picture. I was still happy.

"Pretend Dean and Sam are being irritable." I said. I could see the shift in his expression instantly, and snapped the picture. "Perfect!" I waved him back over to me. "You're good, I got the picture!"

"What was that supposed to accomplish?" He asked.

"When the pictures are developed, it'll look like you're pushing it with one hand."

"Oh." Castiel thought on that, then smiled. "That is a humorous photo idea."

"Yeah, Cas." I agreed. "It is. Here," I handed it back to him, the camera facing us now. I put us in front of the ball of twine, and looked to make sure it would be in the background. I hoped it would. "Take the picture."

"But it is facing the wrong way." Castiel asked as I scooted closer. He'd ditched his coat in the weather, and left it in his pack. I myself had ditched my hoodie, so he stood in a T-shirt Dean had given him before we'd left, and I in my normal tank top. We looked like a normal pair of people traveling around on vacation or something.

"It's supposed to, so that it can get a picture of us." I said. He looked over at me, confused, still holding the camera, and looked back up at him.

That's when I saw how close I was to him. I just stared at him for a minute, and he at me, both of us uncertain. He was uncertain about the picture, of all things, and whether it would work.

I was uncertain as to why I seemed to get so lost at the realization of us being that close.

I looked away quickly, back towards the camera. "Just take the damn picture and trust me." I told him, putting on a smile. I glanced over at him, and saw him still watching me, with a different expression on his face. "What? Did I get dirt around my eyes again?" I asked. He shook his head. "Then come on, smile!" I nudged him. "Face the camera and take the picture. It'll look great later, I promise!"

After a few more seconds of staring at me, I felt his gaze shift. I glanced back up at him. He still wasn't smiling.

"Come on, Cas! Work with me, here." I nudged him again, and he stared at the camera. "Smile! I know you can."

Finally, FINALLY, he cracked a smile, and I turned back towards the camera. "Alright, on three, hit the button." I told him.

He did, and on the last number I heard the small click of a disposable camera taking a picture.


	12. Angel Life Planning, I Guess, Is A Thing

We stayed in Cawker that night, out next to a dumpster behind a restaurant. It was getting cold, and I set up a makeshift spot for us there with a few food boxes.

"The world may end one day," I muttered. "But we will never run out of cardboard in it."

Cas helped me set it up, after listening to my explaining a few different ways to do it. He wasn't very good at building a cardboard shelter, not yet. But it was the thought that mattered.

I pulled my hoodie out of my backpack once I was done, beginning to shiver. "Come on. Get some sleep. Tomorrow is a gas station shower morning." He understood what I meant by that now. Single room bathrooms, use the soap and water and towels for a quick wash.

"I can take first watch tonight." Castiel offered. I looked over at him, and saw the tired in his eyes.

"It's getting cold, and you're tired." I answered. "You taking first watch isn't a good idea. I'll wake you up after about four hours, don't worry." I think the only time we both slept at the same time was when we were on a bus. I was used to the erratic hours, whereas Cas was still gaining the skill.

"I can do it." He reiterated, more determined. I laughed.

"It's alright, Cas. I'm used to the hours. You're not." I reminded him. He just shook his head.

"How can I become better acquainted with the… strenuous hours of keeping watch and waking up if I am not given a chance to become better accustomed to it?" He asked in response. I thought about that.

"Fair point, so let's compromise." I offered. "I'll stay up with you for the first bit of it, then go back to sleep. Once your four are up, you can wake me back up to do dawn watch."

"How do I know you will not stay up the whole night?" He asked in response.

Damn, he knew me too well already.

"Because you just caught me in that, so now that I know you'll be looking for that I have no good way to." I answered. He laughed a little bit.

"I'm not going to get you to, what is the word you used? 'Budge,' correct?" I nodded. "I'm not going to get you to budge on this one, am I?"

"A compromise is a compromise." I answered. He let out a small sigh.

"Alright. But you must still get sleep." He reminded me. I held up my left hand.

"Scout's honor." I swore. He stared at me.

"Even Dean told me that you are supposed to do that with your right hand, not your left." He pointed out. I laughed, switching hands.

"Better?"

"Yes."

"Great. Let's settle in, then." I put my hands up on the rim of the dumpster, and looked over at Castiel. "Gimme a boost?" I asked. He did so willingly, and I half-gracefully tumbled in to the dumpster to search for some decent food. I didn't enjoy the dumpster dive, but sometimes it worked.

"Kylie," Castiel started to speak as I rummaged through the trash. I was looking for fruit, nobody ever actually ate the fruit that came with their meals.

"Yeah, Cas?"

"When can we stop?" I stopped my rummaging myself, and popped my head out to look at Cas.

"What do you mean?" I asked in response.

"You do not like going through the trash for scraps of food." He began. "Nor do you enjoy sleeping on concrete or in cardboard hovels, or stealing or begging or being unable to wash your clothes."

All very true, but things I had just kind of… Learned to live with.

"What's your point Cas?" I asked.

"When can we stop doing all of that?" He asked. I thought.

"When angels stop looking for you, I guess." I answered. "When Sam and Dean say we can hitch it back to the Bunker. Or at the very least when I can snag a good credit card."

"But you hate stealing." He reminded me. I shrugged.

"Sometimes, you've gotta do a little bad to get along." I told him. "It happens. That's the way the world works. We scrounge around for the leftovers while others toss them aside."

"But what if we didn't have to?" He asked.

"What do you want to do, Cas?" I asked him instead. I was starting to get a little frustrated. I'd been working my hardest to integrate him in to the world, to show him how to survive. Was I missing something? Was there something… Something else he needed that I wasn't providing?

Was I not enough?

"I want to sleep in a bed." He answered. "I want to not have to watch you sigh every time you talk about 'gas station showers' or whenever you go to rummage through the refuse for sustenance. I want to not see the look in your eyes of guilt when you have had to steal from another for the both of us."

I was actually surprised by his answer. Most people say those things as singular statements. _**I**_ don't want to take another damn gas station shower. _**I**_ don't want to sleep on the damn ground. _**I**_ don't want to keep risking jail, or even see it as preferable to being free.

"How do you want to do that, then?" I asked, letting him continue. This was new for him. Usually he went along with whatever I said, but now he was wanting to make his own life.

Maybe that show of what humanity is and why we do things had changed something in him.

"What if I got a job?" He thought. "What if we both got jobs?"

"You realize no minimum wage job is going to be enough for an apartment or a house, and that indefinitely staying in a hotel room will probably be more expensive than we can afford as well, right?" I asked.

"But it's a start, isn't it?" He asked in response. Slowly, I climbed out of the dumpster, and he helped me out. We both sat together, backs up against the metal, and I kept listening to him. "If we need money to provide for things we need, then we can work to get money. You seemed to enjoy staying in the tent… We could do that again, if you wanted, so that it would be…. 'cost effective.'" He looked over at me, and I could see it in his eyes.

That fire of humanity.

That fire that said "I will not do this any longer."

That fire that said "I can do better than this."

God, I hoped I was in that fire with him.

"Alright." I agreed, nodding. "How are you going to get a job?"

At that, he blanched. "I… I do not know." He looked over at me. "How do I do that?"

I just laughed a little bit. "Well, you have no SSN, no prior work experience… We could use your vessel's identity, but I'm pretty certain that the angels will be looking for that, so it'll have to be a low paying job at a gas station or something. And even then, staying in one place for long…" I thought about it again. "The whole reason we keep moving is so the angels can't track you. People do that, they drift and get work where they can, I've done it a few times myself, but each time I did…" I remembered the last time I'd had a job, before I'd met Sam and Dean.

The manager had gone smoke-eyes, and I'd gotten the hell outta dodge.

"You were attacked." Castiel filled in the blanks. I nodded, coming back to reality.

"I'm not saying it's impossible, Cas. I'm just saying it's difficult to do." I told him.

"You're smart." He answered. "And you know how to… do human things. I may not know how to do human things well, but I do believe that there are ways we can both do better."

"Alright. Fair enough. Your idea, I'll let you plan this." At that, he looked over at me with slight terror. "What? Like you said, you can't do the human thing unless you're given an opportunity to do the human thing, so you're getting your opportunity."

"Alright." He sat back, and we both looked up at the stars. After a few moments, he spoke again. "What if we went back to Idaho?" He asked.

At that, I turned and stared at him. "Idaho." I repeated. "The state I recklessly stole camping gear from."

"Yes." He agreed. I let out a small sigh, and turned back to look at the stars.

"Alright." I wasn't going to shoot it down just yet.

"We would not go back to the town we were in previously; we could go to another one." He thought some more. "I saw a sign for a town called Rexford that was not too far from the Wyoming border. There was a help wanted sign in the window of a Gas 'n Sip. I could work there."

I didn't mention that we saw that sign a few weeks ago, and that the spot could've easily been filled by now.

"And what about where we would live?" I continued. "You said you wanted a place. What kind of place? An apartment, a house, a condo," he looked over at me, confused.

"What's a condo?"

"Like an apartment, but it costs a lot more." I answered. He thought about my question.

"I think an apartment would be a good way to start." He smiled, nodding. "Yes, an apartment would be a good place to live."

"And food? What're we going to do for that."

"We will purchase it, like other humans with jobs."

"Cas, you're human, just like us. You can call us 'people.'" I reminded him. He was still getting used to that.

"Right. We will buy food, like other… people, do with jobs."

"What kind of food do you want?" I was encouraging him, now. I'd heard this dream so many times before from so many other people, but I never stopped enjoying it, once they got on a roll.

"I… I do not know." He answered. "I like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and burritos, but I do not think I can just eat those alone."

"Nah, you need some sustenance." I agreed. "Like waffles. And lasagna. And fried chicken." I smiled at that myself. I enjoyed cooking, when I had the ability to.

"I do not know how to create any of those." He reminded me. I just shrugged.

"I'll show you." I promise.

"You… You will stay in the apartment with me, right?" He asked. I looked over to see him looking at me as well, unguarded fear that I may say no within his eyes.

I, myself, was surprised. I didn't think he would want me to live with him. Whenever I hear people say these hopes and dreams of getting off the streets, half of the time they never go through with any of it. The other half… They promise to bring me along and don't, or they never bring it up.

But Castiel looked sincere in this, sincere in his desire for me to be with him in his dream apartment, with a job and cooked food that didn't already have a few bites taken out of it.

"If that's alright with you, yeah." I agreed. I could see the tension and fear melt from him, replaced by genuine happiness and elation at my saying yes.

"Thank you."

"No problem." We both just… Looking, staring, watching, those words didn't feel correct. Not at all. I couldn't find the right word, but I knew the normal ones weren't right for the way I looked at him, and I hoped they weren't right for the way he was looking back at me, our shoulders maybe an inch away from each other.

I wanted to ask something, but I didn't know what.

I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to ruin the moment I hoped was there.

I wanted to do something, ANYTHING, but I didn't know how he would react, if he would respond negatively or positively.

I wanted to see something, something from both of us, but I wasn't certain if it was just me making things up or if it was actually there, right in front of me, and I was just too afraid to grab it.

"I should let you take your watch." I finally said. "You're going to want to be well rested afterwards, though, if we're headed back to Idaho."

"We're… We're going commit to my plan?" He asked. I nodded once, letting a small smile escape.

"Yeah."

"It's a good plan?" He asked next. I nodded again.

"It's an absolutely excellent plan." I affirmed, standing up. He didn't speak any more, just sat there, thinking, with a small grin on decorating his own face. I moved over to the cardboard shed, pulled out my notebook, and wrote down Castiel's plan on a clean page.

 _2 person apartment, me and him. I'll show him how to cook. We'll both work, and buy things legitimately._

 _We won't be homeless anymore._

I was about to add at the bottom where we were going, but I stopped. "Hey, Cas?" I said, my voice maybe three notches above a whisper.

"Yes?"

"Why Idaho?"

"You looked happy while we were there, in the tent." He answered. "I thought you liked the state. Was I wrong?"

"No." I lied. I couldn't have cared less about the state. But the fact that Castiel picked it because he saw me happy there, that I wasn't going take from him. "I loved it up there."

 _I absolutely enjoyed being there and not being alone,_ I thought.

 _I was happiest when I saw you there with me, fine and happy and looking like a mix between human and angelic._ I could still see it, in the back of my mind.

 _I only liked it in Idaho because you were there with me._

"You are a good guide to this life, Kylie." Castiel told me as I put my notebook away. "You are… A great friend, one that I feel quite lucky to have."

"Thank you, Cas." I replied, putting my backpack under my head for a pillow. Castiel's bag was with him, so that neither of our things were stolen.

But as I went to sleep, I felt something inside me react… Not quite exactly negatively, but not positively, either, to the thought of Castiel just being my friend. It was like one of those pictures you look at, where at first glance everything seems absolutely fine and normal. But after a closer examination, there's something in the picture absolutely not right at all, something that throws the whole thing off entirely once it's seen, but only just begins to register in your mind on a first glance.

And at my first glance of this situation, I wasn't certain what it was that made us just being friends seem… Off, to me. I fell asleep with only that first glance, wondering what it was that didn't feel right.


	13. Yeah, Yeah I'm A Sap

Surprisingly, when we got back to Idaho the job at the Gas 'n Sip was still available. So I showed Cas how to fill out a job application, how to write a resume, and set him up under a new alias as Steve Castor.

Meanwhile, for me, I managed to catch a local construction job on some new houses. Nothin fancy, but the pay was well and it wasn't too far from Castiel, so I was happy. I'd worked one or two construction jobs before.

I found out the date, too. I found out how long I'd been dead.

A week and a half, maybe two tops.

I'd met the brothers over two months ago, and had been newly revived a little over a month ago.

My birthday was in a few weeks.

It was really kind of wierd to me. Since I had been dead and revived, would it be my 19th birthday or my first again? I almost wanted to ask Cas, but at the same time I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

So I said nothing, asked nothing, and we both worked hard. When Castiel got his first paycheck two weeks later, in cash (I told him to explain that he was a drifter with no bank account set up), he stared at it in amazement for a few moments.

"Kylie," He'd exclaimed once I showed up at the Gas 'n Sip. "I have acquired money!"

"Great job, Cas!" I smiled at him. The place was closed, and we were both in the back. Cas had already set up the spot for the night.

I didn't tell him that I wouldn't get paid till the end of the month, or that his pay was actually pretty low. I just smiled with him; smiled in his triumph. "Hey, I got you something." I told him. He turned to me, eyes wide, and I held up a small box for him. I'd made it out of discarded wood and nails nobody would notice missing.

"What is it?" He asked, examining the object. The top of it slid off and on with notches that I'd kind of more made than chiseled in, and it had "Cas" written in sharpie on the front in my nicest handwriting.

"It's a bank." I answered. "I didn't have enough money to get you a wallet to put your cash in, and since you have a goal you're saving towards I thought you would want a box or something to put your money in." I showed him how the top could slide only a little, if he wanted, to put money in, or all the way to take money out or put large amounts in. "And right here," I pointed to a small notch I'd used a scew to make in the front corner. "And all around the box." I pointed to notches around the rest of it, with the last one being in the front of the top piece that wasn't enclosed by my makeshift grooves. "Is so that you can use this," I pulled out a rubber band. "To keep it sealed when it's in your backpack." To emphasize my point, I took the box from him for a moment to do just that before handing it back to him.

He rotated the box around for a few moments, pulling off the rubber band and investigating the top that slid off. "It's ok if you don't like it." I told him quickly, seeing no positive or negative reaction from him. "You can tell me."

After a few moments, he looked at me. "You made this?" He asked. I nodded once, and he went back to examining it.

After a little bit longer, he set it down beside him, and turned to me. "Thank you." He said, moving his arms over around my shoulders.

"Cas, are you... Hugging me?" I asked, my arms remaining at my sides. He nodded, and began to pull away.

"I'm sorry, I thought that was what-" his voice was cut off by a small oomph, which was caused in turn by me hugging him hard around his waist. He didn't say anything else, just returned it with a smile I just knew was there.

He took first watch that night, whereas I propped myself sitting up in a corner to sleep. I went to sleep hearing him still fiddling with the box, putting his money in and out of it, with a small chuckle here and there.


	14. Dreams Really Don't Come True

A few days later, the disappearances started. We'd called Sam and Dean when we had begun our journey to Idaho, and let them know we would be staying there for a while. Cas called Dean this time, telling him what was going on.

Dean showed up a few days later to investigate, and stopped by our places of work as well. "Hey, Cas and I are headed out tonight for a guy's night kind of thing." He said. I wiped my brow, took off my gloves, and walked over to him.

"You're taking him on the hunt with you, aren't you?" I asked. He shook his head.

"No. He's gonna be my wingman. I'm gonna swing by him next, see how he's doing." I laughed.

"You're just gonna spring this on the poor guy?" I asked.

"Yep. Just wanted to tell you first that way you weren't wondering." He said. I shook my head.

"You guys and your 'no girls allowed' nights." I muttered. One of the guys working on drywall shouted something to me in Spanish about getting back to work, and I shouted back that I was telling this poor fool that I wasn't a date. He laughed and went back to doing drywall. "Sorry, I've got to get back to work soon."

"Wait a sec," he said, rummaging around his jacket. He pulled out a flip phone and tossed it to me. "So you can stay in touch easier." He explained. "Kevin wishes you'd call more, so it already has all our numbers programmed in to it." He tossed me a charger, next, along with a small roll of cash. I caught it with ease, and moved to give him a short hug. "Whoa, whoa, hold on." I pulled away, and saw him with his hands up and the most manly mockery I've ever seen. "No chick flick moments."

"Nerd." I called him, shoving my new things in my spare pocket. He smiled, laughing at me. "I'll call you before we leave, don't worry." He said. I just laughed.

"Don't go hunting without me." I answered. "And don't hook Cas up with any reapers."

"I think he can do that himself." He answered, getting back in the car. I glared at him. "Don't worry, I won't let him run off with any women. He's all yours, isn't he?" He asked.

At that, I didn't answer, and Dean just smiled like he knew a secret before driving off.

I went back to work on my part of the house again, still thinking about Dean's last question.

Later that night though, after I'd gotten off work, I saw a message from Dean.

 _Change of plans. Helping Cas out with boss. Meet you at bar later. ID with cash._

I knew which bar he was talking about, there was only one in town. However, I had not known about the ID he had so kindly provided me. I checked the name on it real quick. Kylie Winchester.

I was going to need to thank Dean and Sam and Kevin very much for that, for putting me in as their family.

I wondered briefly if Castiel was having trouble with his boss. I'd seen her maybe once or twice, Nora, but I thought nothing of her. Nice lady. Brought a few spare waters out to the site sometimes.

Or it may not be trouble. My mind reminded me. I pushed it out of the way quickly. I'd meet with Dean, and Cas would be there with him at the bar. It was probably nothing. Maybe Dean had tried to hook up with Castiel's boss.

But as I walked to the bar, I couldn't quite quench that nagging feeling; the one that said Cas wouldn't be there with Dean. And the feeling was right, Cas wasn't there with Dean. It was just Dean, sitting at the bar, one glass of beer already down.

"Hey." I said, sliding in the barstool next to him. "Where's Cas?"

At that, he blanched slightly. "If I tell you, you can't freak out on me." He started off, looking over at me. I nodded, once, and flagged the bartender over.

"I'll have what he's having." I said, flicking my thumb at Dean. A few seconds later a beer was slid down my way, and I took a few gulps. Dean looked over at me, surprised. "What?" I asked.

"Kevin said you didn't drink."

"I don't like to drink." I corrected him. "I've seen too many people on the streets waste the money they get to stare down an empty bottle. But," I took another gulp. "It doesn't mean I can't drink."

"Fair enough." He conceded, seeing me nearing the halfway point of my own. He waved down two more, and they were served quickly.

"I promise I won't freak. What's up?" I asked, finishing my first. Dean took a deep breath before beginning.

"Cas is on a date." He said. "With Nora."

I took a few sips to process this before leaning forwards, resting my elbows on the table in front of me. "OK." I said decisively. Dean kept watching me.

"What do you mean, OK?"

"I mean, he's an adult, and he's grown up enough to understand the choices he makes now and how they impact things. I may not like it, but he's got the free will to go on a date with another woman if he wants." I took another large drink, trying to chase away the bitter taste those words left in my mouth. "That OK." I said after I finished. Dean just stared at me in... Not shock, but almost like a disappointed and slightly angry parent.

"So you're just going to give up?" He asked, as though the mere thought was absolutely insane.

"What am I giving up, here, exactly?" I asked in response, turning to him. "He said it himself, I'm his friend, his guide. If he wants to go out on a date, fine."

"I saw the way you looked at him." He said. "The way you talked about him, and wanted to see him, and the look of absolute betrayal when he talked about April."

I swear, I was going to hate that month if it kept getting brought up.

"So I know you're not 'OK' with this." He continued. "And I know that's why you ordered that beer," he pointed at said drink, now almost halfway gone itself, for emphasis. "And I know that's why you agreed to be out here with him, even when he hurt your feelings and made you feel like you'd been cheated on."

I finished my drink, thinking. "He called me a friend himself." I reminded him. "I don't know why he chose me, at first. I don't know why he decided to send me to you guys for help, or why he pulled me out from Crowley, or why Metatron brought me back even, I just don't know." I took a deep breath. "But I'm pretty certain that it doesn't matter how I feel, because he doesn't feel the same way, does he?" I watched Dean choose his words carefully.

"What makes you think that?"

"Nora." Dean finished his second beer, and ordered two more. "April. Meg."

"How do you know about Meg?"

"The look on his face when he talked about her." I answered. "It was like he lost someone he'd cared deeply about; someone he didn't think he'd ever lose."

Yeah. I'd known.

I'd figured it out.

The only way I was cool with it, that I hadn't freaked out over it, was that it hadn't been my mom.

My mom was dead. I was willing to leave it that way.

"So can we please, just... Stop talking about what's not going to happen? Because I tend to stop at three beers," I held up the one I had had yet to touch. "And if we keep up this conversation I know I'm going to keep drinking, and that's not what I want to do."

"Alright, then." He agreed after a moment. We both sat there in silence before he spoke again. "I almost forgot," he turned towards the barstool next to him, and pulled out a cardboard box I hadn't seen earlier. "We learned your birthday from your driver's license. It's in a few days, isn't it?"

"Yeah, three days." I agreed, taking the box from him. I was about to open it, when he shook his head.

"Wait till we're outside." He said. I nodded, and set it down on the bar beside me.

We talked for a little bit more after that, on how life had been. Angels doing, well, angel things. A hacker friend of theirs named Charlie came to visit, went in to the Wizard of Oz World, which was apparently a thing. Dean had made friends with a dog to kill a guy imitating a bunch of other animals, which I found very weird.

I kept him updated on our end; Castiel's life plan, his ever-growing immune system, seeing the second-largest ball of twine (to which he responded that he and Sam had gone by that almost seven years back), and just… Life, in general, I guess. There hadn't been as much going on for our end. Not a lot of hunting, not a lot of anything besides staying off angel radar for a while. I asked him about the rib engravings, and he said they hurt like a mother.

"Wow." He said after a while. "Just… Wow."

"Wow what?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, I know you're gonna hate me for this," I took a small sip of my drink. It was almost empty. "But I don't know how you don't see it."

"See what?"

"CAS." He emphasized the word with a large swig. "You know what, no. Screw this. We're headed out." Dean grabbed his keys and threw some money on the table. "For both of us." He said, pointing at me.

"Where are we going?" I asked, following the older Hunter.

"I don't know." He answered. "But I always feel better driving in baby, and this is going to keep bugging you until you believe me, so I guess I'm going to go look for some proof."

I wasn't following a word of what he said, but I still got in the shotgun seat of the car.

We weren't driving for maybe five minutes before Dean got a call, and we headed to the sheriff's office. He told me to stay in the car while he went in to see what was up.

Not long after that, he was bolting towards the car. "We've got to get to Cas. Now." He started the car, and drove like a madman.

"What's going on?" I asked. Dean filled me in as we went, (seriously? Cas didn't fill me in on the whole… Rit Zein thing?) and told me to open the box.

Inside were two angel blades.

"Happy Birthday." He muttered. I gripped them in my hands, and found that they fit nicely. "You did good knives and daggers before… You know."

"I died."

"Yeah, that. Anyways, we'd gotten a hold of a few of these, and after watching you wield one the first time…" I stared at them, remembering when I'd used one first. "Look, if they make you feel uncomfortable, feel free to say so, and we'll snag you some solid iron ones."

"I like them." I said, staring as I pulled them out. The weight was definitely familiar, but this time… Comfortable. Not terrifying.

Under them was a set of sheaths; one for around the waist, and two for on the legs. "Wow. You guys don't mess around, do you?" I asked. Dean shook his head.

"When your problems are typically going to be angels, it's smart to have an angel blade." He answered.

"Two?"

"You did good with one in each hand." He shrugged, and I could see a small smile crack before he focused on the mission once more.

Castiel was in trouble.

When we got there, Dean kicked the door down and ran in first. I watched as he was cast to the side, and I ran second.

I was tossed to the other side, by what appeared to be a young man.

But by the way he tossed me as if I was nothing, without laying a single hand on me, I could easily assume he was the angel Castiel had warned Dean about.

I saw Dean trying to get up, and slid one of my new angel blades towards him. He slid it to Cas, who in turn stabbed the angel…

I had seen one die already, a broken one without wings.

This one died differently, in a blinding flash of white light and a scream of pain.

Dean talked with Sam on the phone afterwards, and I sat in the car while Castiel talked with Nora, who had apparently expected him to be a babysitter while SHE went out on a different date. Cas had been freaking out about a baby with a fever, and I'd told him to give the poor thing a small dose of acetaminophen.

I heard Dean say the angel's out spell was irreversible.

I heard Cas call me a friend, again.

Once Cas was done talking with Nora, Dean asked him where we were going. He didn't answer, just got in the shotgun seat quietly. I sat in the back seat, still, not saying a word.

Dean let us stay at his motel room for the night, and dropped us off at our respective workplaces in the morning. He dropped me off first, telling me he was proud and to not lose the angel daggers.

Castiel and I hadn't spoken to each other that night, nor that morning. I don't think Castiel knew what to say to me, nor me to him.

"Be safe Kylie, alright?" He said. I nodded, and turned around so I could pick up my stuff and get to work once more.

Cas didn't say good bye, or have a good day at work, or any of the other normal things he would say before we parted for our jobs. He just sat in the shotgun seat again, with an expression I wasn't certain I could place.

That evening, Castiel said he couldn't sit by doing the human life while angels like Ephraim suffered and were uncertain of what to do on Earth. He said we needed to get out there and do things, not just let life pass us by.

That night I took first watch, and while Castiel was asleep took a look at the page that had held Castiel's dream for our future, at one point.

"I knew it was too good to be true." I muttered. I tore out the page that night, fighting back tears, and threw it away. I'd seen it before, after all. People making big dreams to get off the streets, and not following through. Why should I have believed this to be any different?


	15. A Magical, Sarcastic Breaking Point

My birthday passed two days later, nothing special happening. I turned in my two weeks for the construction job, as did Castiel for the Gas 'n Sip. Together, we pulled about 3000 dollars, total, all in cash.

"Where to, Cas?" I asked him.

"We need to research." He answered.

And so that was what we did. We traveled, hung out in libraries often so he could use a computer while mooched off the free wifi for the laptop. No email ever came back from BradburyBunny, but I guess I couldn't be surprised. I'd had other people I knew, other people Danny had known, searching and keeping me updated on anything weird. Nobody really asked why.

Everybody was looking for something on the internet.

Castiel worked like a man driven, determined to figure out what in the hell was going on with the angels. He never once spoke again of his plan to settle down, get an apartment, live a life. He had purpose, but this one was… Different.

When he had a plan, a plan for a human life, he worked at it, and was happy with it. It had been simple, yes, but the simple happiness can be good. He was driven to accomplish it, however long it took.

This time, it was like he couldn't find a case soon enough, and more often than not seemed tense about something or other.

In times I wasn't researching, I set us up like Dean and Sam had taught me. Fake identities, fake law enforcement badges for various divisions, proper clothes to match it. I got myself a simple business pantsuit, something that would work as a professional thing well, and told Castiel that if they ever asked to talk to a supervisor, to have them call the cell phone Dean had given me, and then if I went in first he was to do the answering.

We decided very quickly that I would be the one to answer the phone, and then join as his partner once that matter was settled.

We stayed in cheap-ass motels, instead of being on the streets. I hustled pool for cash, and Castiel stood as backup in case things got too hairy. I taught Castiel how to be a decent pickpocket, and that was how he pulled in extra cash.

We worked three duds, one vampire, and what may possibly be the creepiest and weirdest real-life rendition of Romeo and Juliet I've ever seen with a…. What was it? A shapeshifter? Yeah, a shapeshifter and a werewolf.

At one point though, after those five cases, we were in a semi-major city and Castiel just looked at the end of his rope. We were in a library, still, and I could hear him getting angrier and angrier as he typed.

"Stop." I said, my voice harsh and sharp as I turned to him. We hadn't spoken often in the past few weeks, so he stopped.

That was when I realized that that was the first time I'd ever had a harsh voice with him.

"What?" He asked.

"You keep…" I took a deep breath. "You're frustrated. I'm getting frustrated by hearing you nearly stomp on the keyboard. We've been at this for weeks, and nothing on angels. Buddy Boyle is off the air. Angels are probably doing things, yes, but since they're so spread out it'll be hard to tell until a group of them move. I've got all my feelers out, as do you, and the last three cases we tried were busts."

"Your point?" He asked, turning his attention back to the computer.

Oh no.

Oh HELL no.

I reached over and turned off his console. THAT got a rise out of him. "What did you do?" He asked, his voice just barely too loud for the library as he once again finger-stomped the keys. "What did you do?"

"I did a magical, mystical thing called unplugging you." I answered sarcastically.

"Plug me back in." He demanded, his teeth gritting.

"No." I shook my head. "You're about to get us kicked out of this library if you talk any louder, and quite frankly I LIKE libraries. They've been kind to me, and I've never gotten kicked out of one before, I don't plan on starting now. So I'm going to walk out, and earn some money that will actually make someone else smile." With that, I slammed my own laptop closed, put it away in my backpack, and rooted around. I always kept a deck of cards in there. "You can sit there staring at an empty screen, accept the fact that if you get on another computer I will unplug you from ALL of them, and wait for me to come back in, oh," I looked at the clock behind me. "An hour and a half, maybe two. OR you can come with me, be a little useful, and MAYBE stop with the whole constipated frustration crap!" I looked over, saw the librarian looking at me sharply, and put my hands up at her as a show of apology.

"Your choice." I hissed, pulling out the cards, a piece of paper, a few coins, a sharpie, and a pencil. From there, I threw the backpack over my shoulders and stalked out.

From what I could hear, Castiel didn't follow me.

Little known fact: When your mom leaves you and you've got three males that are searching for something to keep them off the fact that the other female of the house leaves, and when you know you'll be tight for cash if you're not useful, you pick up odd jobs. Babysitting and Daycare teaches you to entertain people.

When you're on the streets, anything to make quick fingers look legitimate helps you.

So I got good at card and coin tricks.

And I went out, out on the street, but not too far away from the library. I pulled out my cards, shoved everything else in to my jacket pocket, and got to work.

The first thing was attracting attention. I grabbed one of the coins, a penny, out of my jacket pocket, and got to work rolling it and bouncing it off the cards, fanning it to make a perfect archway and doing a shuffle-bridge to send it high in to the air.

You learn things when you're tired of stealing. You learn things when you're desperate to see a smile from someone, anyone, homeless or not.

After a few minutes, I had a little kid pulling on his mother's shirt, wanting to watch. Great. Kids were always a great start.

More kids came, followed by adults, and that was when I started talking. Voice bright and happy, upbeat, asking for volunteers to take cards and sign their names as best they could in pencil ("I only have one deck, I'm sorry, but let me show you real quick that I've got nothing else written on these." "Here, let me take off my jacket, it's hot. And LOOK! I have no sleeves to hide anything up! Isn't that cool?" "Why, Aiden, you've got a great signature! How old are you? Five? What an excellent signature for a five-year-old! Very impressive!"), so I pulled the cards with their names out from the deck, and then afterwards erased the said cards.

I rolled coins over my fingers, inviting children and adults alike to try as well. I did the same with a card, next, and afterwards OH LOOK. You gave me the Ace of Hearts! How did this turn in to the Four of Clubs? Do I have bad vision?

I had no hat, nor did I want to use my backpack for money, so I had the open card box open side up on the ground in front of me. When people asked, I shrugged. "I'm doing card tricks in the street! Do you really think I've got something better for money?" "Well, kiddo, I DID have a hat, but the magic fairies that taught me how to do this stuff took my hat and won't give it back!"

I pulled coins and cards from ears, I smiled and made jokes for kids and parents alike, and I fell in to a comfortable and soothing rhythm I hadn't been able to do, or felt safe to do, in a long time.

Eventually, Castiel came out and stood beside me, confused and curious. "AH, my lovely assistant has finally arrived!" I said, waving my hands out towards the man with a flourish. When skeptic eyes looked one, I made a face. "I know. Usually it's reversed. Call it a magic trick gone wrong, kids. Adults, call it a lack of choices at the local bar."

That got more laughs all around. I motioned for Cas to bow, and he did as awkwardly as I could imagine. "See, folks? I've still got to break him in!"

More laughter.

Castiel wasn't certain how to help, but he did, and at the very end I had him take off his jacket and use it to collect money.

Over the course of an hour and a half, I made four hundred dollars.

Some hookers couldn't even say they made that much.

But afterwards, when the crowd dispersed and the last kid had a penny pulled from his ear, I turned to Castiel and told him to put the money in his box.

"What was that you did?" He asked, obeying my instructions. I couldn't see the tension in him, not yet.

"Magic tricks." I answered. "If I can, I prefer them to hustling, but sometimes it's just a question of what makes more money and how safe the area is."

"You were good at them." He stated. I smiled.

"Quick fingers," I reached up to Castiel's shirt collar, and pulled out a fifty-dollar bill from under it. "And a lot of practice."

He stared at the dollar bill in amazement, and when I unfolded it he saw it had his name written on the back in sharpie.

That was kind of it, after that. We didn't talk about it again, and Castiel went back to doing his research. He didn't snap at me again, though, nor did I at him. We were still tense, but something had changed.

Cas understood that you need a minute to breath, that _I_ need a minute to breath, and I understood that Cas was going to figure things out on his own.

I was just wondering when in the hell THAT was going to happen.


	16. Winchesters & Angels & Abandonment OH MY

We caught a case that Castiel was certain was "one involving other fallen angels" that was in Caribou, Wyoming. When we got there, we used the FBI badges, and got waved in. A few minutes later, I heard the local cop say that "two of your guys are already here."

I turned around from talking with a cop to see Sam and Dean, dressed to FBI looks as well. I snuck around, seeing Sam and Dean make a beeline inside for Cas.

They talked for a little bit, and when Castiel actually fucking SMILED, saying "hey. Cas is back in town," that was when I felt more done. He had snapped at me, we had barely said a word to each other for the majority of this month even AFTER the "Magic Tricks" moment, and here he was; smiling at the brothers and acting happy like nothing was wrong.

If that didn't feel like a shot to the gut, obviously Crowley had either had a very shitty gun or even shittier aim.

I joined with the boys after that, and saw Castiel's demeanor change just enough for someone who knew him to notice. "These angels, uh, they were butchered. Much more violence than was required." He said, not even glancing at me, but instead watching the brother's reactions to the photos he showed them. I took a glance at the photos too.

Thank whoever I had a strong stomach, that I'd already seen a little worse.

"Definitely took more than one or two killers to pull this off." Sam commented.

"Hit squad? Bartholomew's people?" Dean threw in. I could see it, kind of. Angels fighting angels was just such a strange concept to wrap my head around.

Add that to the list of things I've had trouble wrapping my head around. Every time something got off, something else got added on in its place.

"Well, Bartholomew has a faction we know about, but this could be somebody else entirely we don't know." Sam pointed out.

"Well, whoever it is... We'll find them." Castiel said patting the brothers on their shoulders. I just nodded.

"Yeah. Teamwork. Missed you guys, by the way." I said, giving Sam and Dean a quick hug when the local cops weren't looking. "Thanks for the daggers." I had them hidden on the sheath around my waist, and my own FBI-ish jacket covered them up easily.

"No problem, kiddo." Sam said as Cas walked outside. "How have things been? Heard you had a construction job for a bit."

"Things have been…. Well… Things, you know?" I asked. "Cas is trying to do right by the angels, I'm trying to help him out… It's like being with Kevin again, except Kevin dealt with his frustration better."

"Hang in there with him, kiddo." Dean encouraged.

"Yeah, don't be afraid to tell him how you feel." Sam. Dean shot Sam a short glare as he continued. "No matter what, it's important that there's good communication, you know? Sometimes, you've just gotta tell him how you feel, no matter what the emotion is, and hope for the best."

"Or, or," Dean cut in, earning a glare from Sam. "You understand that he's still trying to figure things out himself, and you wait for him to tell you his emotions, that way you can respond accordingly instead of sending the poor guy in to a mess of uncertainty for his answer, you know?"

I shook my head at the both of them. "You both are still odd." I decided. "Come on, let's catch up to Cas before he wanders off. After all, we're going to find these guys together, right?" I asked, turning to head out the door

"'We'll' find them. That's great." Dean muttered behind me, following me out the door shortly after.

Cas hung out with Sam and Dean at the bar, while I did research. I didn't think I could stomach him being all buddy-buddy with the Winchesters while I'd been here, been here for almost three months, and nothing.

So I sat in the room, did research, and eventually just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't stare at the screen, I couldn't research angels, I couldn't do anything without wanting to tear out my own hair.

So I called Kevin.

"Kylie?" He asked.

"Hey, Kev. What's new?"

"Not a whole lot. Just… Busy translating, again, like normal." I smiled.

"You still owe me a fun day. You promised." I reminded him.

"I'll probably take you up on that sooner than you think." I heard something going on in the background, followed by Kevin shouting. "Will you PLEASE just SHUT UP?"

I could hear a faint and indignant "NO!" that was most definitely not said by Kevin.

"Everything alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's just Crowley." He said. "His singing has gotten significantly worse, and I think he's now currently going through the top HBO television theme songs."

"He's allowed to watch TV in there?"

"No." I could feel Kevin's exasperation. "That's just it. He's still locked up, not allowed anything unless we drop by him, really."

"So… Demons watch HBO?" I asked, flopping down on the bed behind me.

"I guess." We both laughed a little at that.

"Other than the wailing chorus of the damned, which must be a real treat," I could hear Kevin's snort. "How are you doing?"

"It's just… Been, I guess." He said. "I haven't done a lot much else besides translating. I've got a better bed, though. Better food. Less fear of being nabbed since my former kidnapper is in the Hunter version of maximum security. Other than that, it hasn't been much. How's life with the not-angel going?"

"It's just… Been." I said, repeating his words. "We have our ups and downs. He's actually at the bar with Dean and Sam right now."

"You guys are in Wyoming too?"

"Yeah. Cas wanted to get back on for hunting and taking care of the angel problem." I shrugged. "And he's learning to make his own choices, he's learning to lead his own life, so I guess that's good for him."

"Is that what you want to do, though?" He asked. I thought about that for a moment.

"What I want to do really doesn't matter at this point." I decided. "I'm kind of just the glorified babysitter, I think." I thought for a moment. "Here, I'm gonna put you on speaker."

"You laying down?"

"Yep."

"Told you it was useful." He was referring to a conversation we'd had last time we'd talked, and he'd put me on speaker while he was laying down so it felt more like he was actually conversing with someone.

"Yeah, yeah." I muttered, hitting the button. "Ok, you're on, but don't say anything weird that would get me thrown out."

"So back on the topic of demons," he started, causing me to laugh. "Alright, alright, real talk here." I could hear his voice change on his end, and I knew he had done the same thing. "What do you want to do? Do you want to keep traveling with Cas? Do you want to keep hunting down angels?"

"I don't know." I said, throwing my hands in the air. "On one hand, Cas is a big boy now, he can take care of himself for the most part, and it doesn't really seem like he wants me or needs me anymore. On the other hand, Sam and Dean gave me a job, and at one point I actually was enjoying teaching the guy human things." I laughed. "He wanted to get an apartment. We both got jobs. Life was actually pretty nice and normal."

"What made him want to go from that to angel hunting again?"

"No idea." I thought about it. "There was a case with something called a Rit Zein not too long before the change. And he had plenty of time to talk with Dean. And he went on a date with his boss, Nora, which ended up being an actual glorified babysitting job."

"Did he get hit with the kinky stick of death again?" I laughed.

"Kinky stick of death?" I asked.

"Hey, you seem down. I'm trying to help you here!" I let my laughter subside.

"No, he didn't get tortured by his date." I said, refusing to utter the words "kinky stick of death" more than once. "I actually don't know what happened while he was watching the baby. I know he freaked out when she had a small fever, but that was it." I sighed. "Things just got weird after that. Real tense, you know? And I just don't know why."

"I'm not there, so I can't tell you." Kevin answered. "What I can say right now though, is that you don't sound happy."

"I know. And I know I'm not." I admitted. "I just don't know what to do, though."

"Do you want to come back to the Bunker?" He asked. "If you're there with Sam and Dean, I'm certain they wouldn't mind you hitching a ride back with them."

"I…" I knew the answer was supposed to be no, I need to stay with Cas. I'm supposed to stay with Cas.

But I wasn't so certain if Cas wanted to stay with me.

"Look, you were the only normal person I had to talk to, and now I've got Winchesters in my normal life, with radio Crowley in my free time. If you wanted to come back and needed some help convincing them, I'd be more than happy to make the effort as long as you don't mind living with a demon."

"That actually makes it a tough decision." I said with a smirk. "Live with a nerdy prophet, the Wondertwins, and an asshole demon versus living with an angel that I don't even think likes me at the moment…" I let my voice trail off as my smirk faded.

"What makes you think Cas doesn't like you?" I let out another sigh at the question.

"It's just the way he moves and acts and talks, well, when we talk. We barely do, now. I tried, I put in effort, but the last time I made an attempt we got in a shouting match."

I remembered it vividly still. It hadn't happened long before we caught the case here.

" _I have HAD IT!" I'd shouted at him, passerby's be damned. He'd been in a pissy mood all day, and when I purchased food for the both of us had finally thrown me over the edge with a remark on making sure we save our money, or that_ _ **I**_ _go out later to replenish what had been spent for food. He'd been using my laptop, because I let him, and in that moment I had promptly slammed it shut and stuffed it back in my backpack before moving away. "I have PUT UP with SO MUCH OF YOUR SHIT! I have been kind. I have been polite. I have agreed and worked with you and done what I could but snapping at me, trying to ORDER ME AROUND when staring at that damned computer was only frustrating you more, THAT is the last straw!"_

" _I am TRYING to do some good, Kylie!" He'd shouted back, apparently reaching his breaking point as well. "And it seems as though right now, all you are interested in doing is preventing me FROM DOING MY JOB!"_

" _YOUR JOB?" I'd scoffed at that part. "More like your FREAKIN' mid-life crisis!"_

" _I don't even know what that is!" He'd pointed out._

" _You obviously don't know what LIMITATIONS are, either!"_

" _No, I DO KNOW. They're what you are currently IMPOSING ON ME while I try to look for a case!" Then he did the unthinkable. He reached for my backpack, and I knew he was going for my laptop._

 _I slapped his hand away, quickly and harshly._

" _No." I said, feeling absolute_ _ **FURY**_ _. "You don't try to take what's mine. You don't try to take that laptop. You don't try to take that bag. You don't try to tell me what to do when I'm trying to help you." I said, my voice no longer loud and shouting._

 _Now it was my mother's voice, the one she used when you knew no matter which way you dug, you were still digging yourself in to a hole, and you were screwed._

" _I have not once told you what to do, not like you did. I haven't once tried to take anything of yours; in fact, I actively_ _ **avoid**_ _using your things unless given your permission first. We agreed on a plan of action ahead of time, to stick to each other. I asked if you wanted to go places. I think the only time I gave you directions on what to do was when you were sick, but for the most part," I threw my hands in the air. "I've done my best to let you figure things out. Going back to Idaho, getting jobs, planning a life, and now hunting, those have all been your decisions that I went along with to encourage you. But now, no. Absolutely no." I shook my head. "No, you don't get it, and you won't get it!" I was just so frustrated in him, for a multitude of reasons._

 _I stalked off then, and heard Castiel shout after me. "Where are you going?"_

" _I don't know, and quite frankly," I turned back to Castiel for a moment to shout. "I DON'T CARE!"_

I shook my head, trying to not dwell on that day. "I just don't know what to do, I guess."

"Do you want to come back to the Bunker?" He repeated. "I know, I already said that once, but you didn't actually answer."

"Yeah." I said, nodding a little. "Yeah, I do want to come back. I miss it." And in truth, I had missed the space. It had felt like home, or even a safe haven, when I had been. "I'd even be willing to put up with Crowley, as long as I got to punch him every once in a while."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because I've still got to watch after Cas." I answered. "It's not safe for him to be alone, especially with this case relating to angels. I would feel bad if I just… Abandoned him like that, unless he was able to come back too."

"What do you mean, able?" Kevin asked. "I thought he left on his own."

I was about to answer, when my phone beeped. Dean. "Hey, I gotta go. Winchester One is calling."

"Call soon, alright?" He told me. "I wanna hear about the two dynamic duos teaming up."

"Whatever." I said with a smile, taking him off speaker phone. Kevin hung up as I switched the call to answering Dean.

"Hey, you and Cas already head out?" He asked. I sat up, confused.

"What do you mean? I just got off the phone with Kevin."

"Cas said he was going to go get you. You guys gotta go."

"What do you mean, we've gotta go?"

"It's a… complicated issue." He said. "I promise, when I can explain, I will."

"No, that's not an answer." I argued. "I think I deserve a little bit more than that."

"You're right, you do, but now is not the time." He answered. "Just find Cas, alright? And call me later so I know where you guys are going."

The line went dead, and I stared at it, frustrated. I called Cas's cell, and almost dropped my phone when I heard Castiel's ringing from outside the hotel door.

I opened it, and there was no Cas. Only a cell phone, a room key, and a folded up piece of hotel stationary.

I called back Dean quickly, fighting back panic.

"Where are you guys going?" He asked.

"Cas is gone." I said, picking up the phone and room key first.

"What do you mean, gone?"

"I mean I'm looking at his phone and room key right now." I said, grabbing the paper next. I unfolded it to read what was written in Castiel's slightly messy handwriting.

 _Going to keep working angel cases solo. Go back to the Bunker._

 _Castiel_

"He's gone." I said, and I could feel a single tear starting to fall. "He… He left."

Dean was at my room a few minutes later, and I handed him everything. The cell phone. The note. Even the stupid room key. "Dammit." He muttered.

Later that day, I checked out of the room, sold the car, and got in the backseat of the car with Sam and Dean.

"Glad to have you back, Kylie." Sam said with a short nod. "I know Kevin will be happy to see you."

I didn't respond. I just sat there, thinking of one thing.

Castiel had abandoned me.

How had we gone from planning a life together… To this? To him just leaving without another word.

How in the hell had we gotten here?


	17. Kevin Is Seriously A Know-It-All

When we got back to the Bunker, Kevin was surprised and glad to see me, at first. Then he saw the lack of a fourth person, and understood.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked. I shook my head. I really couldn't right now.

First my mom, due to demons.

Now Castiel, due to angels.

So for the first few days, we all just… Did research. Kevin did the tablet. Sam and Dean did research on the case and other angel things. I put out my feelers for the case and for any sign of Cas. He'd disappeared without a trace, and I was worried. Eventually, I told Kevin about it though. We laid down side-by-side on the floor, just like how we'd done on the phone or when we'd been in the boat, and talked like friends would. It was comforting, almost, to be able to relate to someone so close to my own age.

I made food most nights, too; something that always made me feel better. I made burgers, made hot dogs, made spaghetti, and tried to manage feeding four males again on a daily basis.

The routine was so familiar, it hurt for a second.

But at the same time, it made me feel more at home.

Crowley only asked if he could eat once, just once. He'd been a pain all day, shouting random things and singing awful show tunes (He'd moved on from HBO to old sitcoms), and I couldn't take it anymore. Dean and Sam certainly couldn't stop me.

I got a big, piping hot piece of lasagna on a plastic plate, and walked in to the room he was chained up in. "Ah, Kylie, you're back, and what a nice little housewife you've become. Are you certain none of the boys have claimed you as their's yet? Not even Kevin or Castiel? I heard the angel finally got some."

I didn't say a word; just smiled at the heat I could still feel from the food.

I didn't stop smiling as I rammed it in Crowley's face, covering it in very hot sauce and some salt on the top.

Crowley howled in pain, and I walked out.

He didn't say another word for the rest of the night.

He was quiet the next day, too. I was happy for that.

Because the next day, Dean got a hit on the biker case. I still had zilch on Cas, but I was glad SOMEONE had a lead.

Born-again bikers were one thing, but a church group of nice ladies killing people, and then subsequently being killed?

That was just…. Hard to imagine.

And a bunch of teenagers, just like me, all dead as well.

We kept looking in to it, trying to figure things out. Sam started going out more, and I wasn't certain as to whether that was normal.

It was confirmed that that wasn't normal when Kevin asked Dean about it, and the answer was just that it had been happening more.

And then Dean got a phone call, while I was still trying to find hide or hair of the not-angel. Kevin had come to sit beside me, and watched what I was doing.

"You really do love him, don't you?" He asked. THAT got my attention, and stopped me in my tracks. I barely noticed Dean moving in to the next room to continue the phone call.

"What makes you think that?" I asked.

"You followed him out of the Bunker after he slept with April, you stayed with him and went back to being homeless when you didn't have to. You planned a life with him, smiled and had fun with him. You would've been happy working towards that apartment with him, but you went back to being a Hunter and put up with the guy being, well," Kevin shrugged. "HIM. And now you're working your ass off to find him, spending the majority of your time trying to see if you can figure out where he ran off to, when he ran off without you. So either you're about as screwed up as the Winchesters, which could be entirely possible," he sat back in his chair, and I remembered that stance from when we would debate and he was about to nail me on something or other that would make him win the argument. "Or you love Cas."

"I," I wasn't certain how to answer.

"It's alright. I won't tell." Kevin said, smiling. "As long as you take me on that relax day soon. I'm getting tired of being in here."

I just nodded, still uncertain of how to answer, and Kevin kept smiling. "Cool." He grabbed the tablet, a book, and got back to work, munching on a sandwich periodically.

I sat there, thinking about it. I hadn't denied Kevin's claim, nor had I embraced or justified it.

But in a way, by not outright saying no, hadn't I accepted it?

I mean, I'd hated the thought of us being just friends, it hadn't sat right with me. I'd deviated from typical homeless protocol, which is to spend very little money and generally take what you need, by purchasing him his own gear and a stupid camera I wasn't even certain if he'd still had. I'd worked to get back, worrying every day that he was hurt, that the other angels had gotten to him.

I'd been pissed as hell when he went on the date with Nora; when I heard him talking about April.

And even though I'd felt so betrayed by him, I still went with him. I still smiled at him and laughed with him and enjoyed my time with him. I'd been terrified when he'd been sick, and just outright stolen without even a second's thought on the consequences, because there really hadn't been consequences.

Not with Cas so sick and the weather so bad.

Even now, I was worried about him. He'd abandoned me without more than what, thirteen words? Yeah, thirteen short words. And I was utilizing every resource I had to try and find him, to try and make sure he was alright.

He'd been the one I wanted to see when I died and came back.

He'd been the one I wanted to be with no matter what.

Son of a bitch, Kevin was right.

"When did you figure it out?" I finally asked after a few minutes of just sitting quietly.

"I didn't. I took a guess." He answered, rifling through his book. "Dean and Sam have a bet on it, by the way."

"What do you mean, they have a bet?"

"It's a bet on who will crack first, and when." He explained. "Dean thinks Cas will say it first, and Sam thinks it'll be you."

"And you know all of this how, exactly?"

"They told me." He shrugged. "I didn't place a bet, if that was going to be your next question."

"Do you…" I thought about it quietly.

"I don't know." He answered, already ahead of me. "You'd have to ask Sam or Dean. They've been around the guy longer."

"I don't think my chances are good." I said. "He ran off without me, remember?"

"He also planned a life with you."

"He called me his friend and guide."

"He would be dead without you."

"That doesn't prove anything. I'd be dead if he hadn't pulled me from Crowley's torture dungeon too, remember?"

"You're stubborn on this, aren't you?" He asked, turning from his book to me. I nodded. He knew me. He knew how stubborn I was. "Are you going to tell him?"

"I'm not saying it." I answered. "Not until he does first. But you can't tell the Winchesters about this."

"Not that I planned on doing so, but why not?"

"Because they made a stupid bet." I answered. "And because I want them to sit and stew and think on it, because I'm not going to tell Cas that…" I couldn't even get the words out, and Kevin laughed at me for it.

"Either Cas admits it or nothing. Alright. I can't wait to see how that pans out." He said, turning back to his book.

I turned back to doing my research, to trying to find Castiel.

I didn't question whether the prophet was right. I knew he was, once I looked at it. I just couldn't believe it. He may be human, but he was still an angel. There was no way in hell of this happening.

Kevin fell asleep on his book, cradling the tablet with one arm.

I fell asleep soon after, barely remembering to turn off my laptop and close it first.

When I woke up, it was to the sound of Dean's voice as he tried to rouse Kevin.

"I need a spell. ASAP." He said. Both Kevin and I woke up, and I saw the exhaustion in the prophet's eyes. How long had he been up before crashing out?

How long had we both been asleep?

"Everyone always needs a spell, and it's always ASAP." He muttered, lifting his head off the book. Dean just kept plowing through like he hadn't said anything.

"All right, listen to me. An angel can't be expelled by another human. Okay, only by the host, right? But, what if there was a way to power down the angel, so that it wasn't in charge for a few seconds?"

"What?" Kevin and I both said, trying to make sense of what Dean was asking.

"For instance, if – if hypothetically, I wanted to speak with the vessel but not have the squatter listen in." He explained.

"Why?" Kevin asked.

"Why? Kevin, we've got tons of possessed humans out there. You with me? And when the angels kill each other off, the humans are taking it in the teeth. So what if I wanted to clue the human in so that he, or she, could spit the angel out? That would be a good thing, right?" Dean answered, sounding exasperated and… maybe slightly panicked? Why was he panicky?

"Uh ... yeah?" Kevin didn't hear the slight edge to Dean's voice, still waking up. I sat up straighter, turning on my laptop.

"Okay. So, hit the tablet. Let's go!" Dean said, turning to walk away. "Oh, and I need to talk with you quickly, Kylie." I glanced at Kevin, and both of us shared a confused look before he looked over at Dean.

"Now?" He asked.

"Yesterday, Cinderella!" Dean answered, and I smirked at Kevin.

"Have fun at the ball." I muttered, earning a playful swap at the air from him as I got up to go listen to… Whatever it was Dean wanted to talk about.

We went a few rooms over, and Dean looked uncertain of how to say this.

"You said you came in contact with two angels, when you came back, before you were at the Bunker." He said. I nodded. "What were their names?"

"Hannah was the one I met that was alive, and I watched another one die." I answered.

"What was the other angel's name?"

"Ezekiel."

Dean ran a hand through his hair, pacing about the room. Something was wrong, very wrong, and it had to do with angels.

"What's going on, Dean?" I asked, taking a slow step forwards. He stopped pacing, faced me, and took a deep breath.

"There are some things I didn't tell you." He explained. "I haven't told Kevin these things either, but I promise that when everything is said and done I will explain it all fully, but you'll just have to trust me on this."

"Dean, you can't just keep us in the dark like this." I told him. "I'm still trying to find Cas, and Kevin is working himself to the bone trying to keep working that tablet and get it all figured out. You've gotta give us something, man, so that we don't feel like we're being kept in the dark."

He took a deep breath. "You wanna hear something?" He asked. I could sense steel in his voice, but I nodded anyways.

"Cas called."

My stomach dropped.

"What did he say?" I asked cautiously.

"He's not coming back to the Bunker." Dean answered. "He did… something, something that was bad, I don't know what. He was caught by the angels that have been doing most of the killing, they're lead by a guy named Malachi."

"Is he ok?" I interrupted.

"He's fine. He got away. But he's an angel again now, for the most part." I didn't say anything this time. I wasn't certain what to say. "Look, I'm sorry Kylie, but he's not coming back to the Bunker." With that, he turned and left to go… I don't know, do whatever it is Hunters do after dropping what felt like a bombshell. Maybe drink a beer.

I went back to sit with Kevin, my face feeling like stone. He looked up and noticed it immediately. "What's going on?" He asked. I shook my head, focusing on my computer screen. I looked at all the tabs I had open, the different conversations and searches I had to try and find Castiel.

I closed them all down, and Kevin watched, astonished.

"What happened?" He asked, moving just a little closer. I stared at the computer screen, now only showing a screensaver picture of me and Danny.

"Dean got a call from Cas." I answered quietly. "He's an angel again."

"Wouldn't that be great news?" Kevin asked.

"He got hurt while I wasn't there, did something bad he wouldn't explain to Dean about." I explained. "Kev, he's not coming back to the Bunker."

"Not now, though, but in the future, right?" I shook my head.

"I don't think he intends on coming back at all." I said, pulling up a new, blank search tab. I took a deep breath. "Dean said he wanted a spell or something, right?"

"Yeah, but Kylie, that doesn't mean you have to stop searching for," he stopped when I turned to face him.

"He doesn't want to come back. Why should I put so much effort in to searching for him?" I asked. I honestly expected Kevin to answer that I should because I loved Cas, but he didn't. Instead, he just shrugged his shoulders.

"He'll come back." Kevin promised. I didn't respond, just got up to get a few different books on angel lore. When I came back, we didn't continue the conversation. I worked the laptop and a few books while Kevin worked the tablet and the other books.

We didn't really speak while we worked. I wasn't certain if I would be able to, and Kevin was trying to give me my space.

But finally, finally, after I don't know how much of pouring through books, the internet, the tablet, and each other's notes, we figured it out.

"DEAN!" Kevin shouted. The man came running to see Kevin smiling, and me kind of sitting there double-checking the info. "We got it!"

"Great, come with me." He said, motioning for Kevin to follow. He glanced over at me, grabbed one of the pages with a drawing of what we were certain the sigil would look like, and followed the Hunter out the door.

I got ping after they left, an email from someone I'd asked about Cas.

 _Hey, I know you called off the search, but I swear I just saw the guy. Sent along a pic, too, for reference. You want the location?_

The picture was definitely of Castiel, and he was driving a really crappy tan-ish yellow car.

I sent them an email back after staring at the picture for a few minutes.

 _No, I'm good._


	18. You All Know What Happens Next

Kevin came back and told me he'd painted the sigil in the storeroom with Dean. When he'd asked, Dean gave him pretty much the same answer that he had originally given me. We both shrugged, and Kevin went back to doing the tablet. Me being me, I put away our books and decided to start on getting everything categorized and organized in my laptop, so that I didn't have to go on a huge hunt sometimes but instead could look up what I needed and knew where it all was.

Not that the Men of Letters didn't have a good system, of course, but I liked having an electronic version.

Plus, it gave me something to do just to get, well… HIM off my mind.

Kevin and I worked for a few hours, and I knew I barely put a dent in the collection when I finally called a break for myself, and went to fix me and Kevin some lunch. I offered Dean some, but he declined.

Two sandwiches, a glass of milk, and a glass of water were all me and Kevin needed while I let my brain relax and he worked on more tablet stuff.

"I'm going to look up stuff for our fun day." I decided.

Kevin just made an affirmative noise in response.

Then Sam came back, claiming to be on a beer run, and he and Dean went to talk in the storeroom. Kevin and I paid no mind to it. I kept looking up stuff for me and Kevin, still trying to keep my mind off of the born-again angel.

Then I heard a noise, like a bump, coming from the direction I Sam and Dean had gone. I got up, about to investigate, and saw… Sam? Sam walking towards us, walking weirdly… Differently…

"Hey Sam." Kevin said boredly. He got up to meet him, walking past me, and from the way Sam was walking…

Something was different.

Something was wrong.

I walked up slowly behind Kevin, ready to jump if needed. "Oh hey, do you notice anything a little off about Dean lately?" He asked. I got closer, still watching Sam. Something was wrong, all my instincts were screaming that there was something I should be able to see but couldn't. "Between you and me, I'm a little bit worried about him." Kevin didn't seem to notice anything, but I still felt tense.

"Don't worry about Dean." Sam replied. "Dean will be fine."

Sam didn't talk like that.

Not with every singular word said, instead of the normal contractions of every day life.

I could see Kevin's fear too, as he finally realized something wasn't right, and I watched as Dean emerged from too far back.

I jumped, but it was too late.

Sam gripped Kevin's forehead with one hand, and cast the other hand out towards me. I went soaring backwards, way too high for it to be a normal throw, in to a bookcase behind me. I felt books rain down on me as I fell towards the ground, and saw stars. Everything was starting to spin, and I tried to focus. I didn't have either angel dagger on me, I vaguely remembered that they were in my room. I had a normal iron dagger, though, one I liked to keep on me at all costs. I reached for it, screaming Kevin's name. It wasn't there. It had fallen somewhere when I hit the books.

"No!" Dean shouted as Kevin let out a hoarse scream. The scribe's eyes and mouth glowed gold. "No! KEVIN!" The elder Hunter rushed what was not his brother, and I watched him pin Dean back against a wall without touching him.

If him throwing me without touching me hadn't sold me before, watching not-Sam do it to Dean sold me on the conclusion.

There was an angel possessing Sam.

"Sam!" He barely got the name out, and I could see the pain in his eyes at the angel's power. Not-Sam turned towards Dean, and I scrabbled for my dagger, hoping the assailant wouldn't turn towards me and see my intentions.

Then I heard the worst words I think Dean could ever hear.

"There is no more Sam." The angel stated, facing the man. Dean was still in pain, gulping and struggling and trying so hard to fight. "But I played him convincingly, I thought."

Dean tried to breathe, but couldn't easily, and then I found it. I gripped my hands around the hilt of my dagger, and quietly raised my arm from the books. "I'm sorry." I whispered, throwing as hard as I could.

Angel-Sam turned towards me, raising a hand. The dagger flew back my way, and pierced my through the side of my midsection. I howled in pain, feeling incredible amounts of pressure on both the dagger and myself, and saw Dean's fear and horror increase.

I think that was the first time I ever saw Dean scared.

"I heard you talk with Kevin Tran tonight." Not-Sam continued, looking at the prophet's body. He put the tablets in a backpack. "Alter a sigil, even the slightest," now I understood. Kevin had told me, and I'd seen it in his notes as well. "Alter the spell." He raised a hand, looking back at Dean, and I could see him still in so much pain. The angel wasn't even holding them out towards us, he didn't need to.

I struggled to breath as the sorry excuse for an angel took a step towards Dean. "I'm sorry about Kevin." He said. "But ultimately," he looked back at the body. "It's for the best. I did what I had to."

He dropped a small yellow piece of paper on Kevin's body, with something written on it.

Then he turned to me, actually acknowledging me for the first time. "It was requested I not hurt you, and I am sorry that I did." He stated. "But you should not have tried to meddle in things you do not understand."

Then he left. Once he was too far gone, we were both released, and I felt myself collapse even more, my dagger still sticking out of me.

"Kevin?" Dean said his name like a question, and I cried. I saw Dean cry too. "Kevin?" He asked again.

I never went with him on our relax day, but the plans for it were still up on my laptop.

We never found his mom, though we had all promised and sworn that we would.

A demon had outlived him, one that had tried to kill the both of us and should've died already.

"No." I whispered, seeing that he wasn't getting up, no matter how badly I wanted him to. Castiel was gone. Sam was gone. Kevin was gone.

Kevin was gone.

"NO!" I screamed, wrenching the knife out of me and flinging it far. It stuck on the opposite wall, where Sam had walked out, and I cried in pain and fear and sorrow. Dean crawled over to me, took off his overshirt to help me plug up the knife wound, and we both just sat there for a moment.

Kevin was dead.

My first job had been to protect him, to keep him safe, and I had failed.

Kevin was dead.


	19. I'm Starting To Hate Funerals

Castiel joined us later that evening, and we held a small funeral for the prophet. I learned that night that it was traditional to salt and burn the corpse of Hunters, because that was how you prevented a ghost from coming back or sticking around. Ghosts are born from gruesome and untimely deaths.

I hoped Kevin wouldn't go back; that he'd go to Heaven.

But as I stood there and watched the flames disintegrate the only person I knew that had a shot of a normal life after all of this, I couldn't help but let more tears fall. Not quite crying this time, if it makes sense, but… It was like there was a damn that had already broken, and now these small bits and trickles were still flowing out here and there from random crevices.

Kevin had just wanted me to call more, us to stay in touch better. He had just wanted to be out. He had just wanted his mom back.

He hadn't gotten any of that.

After a while of standing there, though, quietly by the flames, I felt a hand gently grip my arm. I looked over at Castiel, and saw sorrow and worry in his eyes. "I think Dean would like a minute alone." He said. I looked back over at the other Hunter, who was oblivious to us talking. Whatever demons were going on in his head were things he wasn't going to share or talk about, that I knew.

He blamed himself for all of this, and at the moment, there wasn't anything I could do to fix that or tell him otherwise. He needed his time to grieve, just as much if not more than I did.

"Alright." I agreed, and Castiel walked me to the Bunker, moving his hand from my arm to being around my shoulders in comfort. I looked over at him, about to ask, when he answered first. "I saw other people doing this to comfort one another." He whispered, his eyes boring in to me with… something. "Is this alright?"

"Yeah." I said with a nod, moving closer. "Yeah, it is." It was comforting, to have someone else there that understood and that was willing to be comforting and helpful.

Once we got back in the Bunker, Castiel took a look at where I'd been stabbed. Dean had helped me fix it up not long after….

Well, let's just stick with "after" for now, OK?

"Here," he placed a hand over the spot, and his other on the top of my head. "You have a concussion, as well." I felt a comforting light emit from the contact. A few moments later…

It was gone, like nothing had ever happened. I looked at Cas, and he removed his hands from me to place them back at his sides. My head felt better. When I took a look at where I'd been stabbed, there was nothing.

Like I said, it was as if nothing had ever happened.

"I thought you didn't have any mojo." I said, looking back at Cas. He looked down.

"I had to do something today that I was not proud of." He admitted. "I stole another angel's grace, so that I may survive."

"So you're an angel again?"

"Not fully. The grace will run out. But I can heal you, for now." He said the words like it was an awful thing, and I could kind of understand it. He had stolen what was not his to survive, and more than likely killed the other angel in the process.

I hugged Castiel, and hugged him tight. After a few seconds, he returned the embrace. "I am sorry that I wasn't here." He whispered.

"I'm sorry I wasn't watching out for you." I whispered back, and I knew he understood.

At that moment, nothing else really mattered. No anger or tension either of us might've felt for each other existed, it just slipped away.

It's amazing what hardship will do to a relationship.


	20. Angelic Comfort Is Also A Thing

I woke up maybe a second away from a scream, and to prevent it clasped both hands over my mouth.

I didn't remember going to sleep, but I could feel the nightmares still fresh within my mind. Broken promises ripping me apart in to pieces, like torn up paper in a gas station trash can. Boats and ships being blasted in to pieces, and I couldn't do a damn thing. Glass shattering, and a killer's voice apologizing not for the atrocity he committed, not for the permanent scar on my psyche, but for my injuries being a casualty and nothing more; the voice swirling around me in pure white and cloudy red smoke that jammed its way down my throat and ripped me apart from the inside out. Glass shattering, a glass person shattering, and only the pieces left to burn away in to cinders. Everything breaking, shredding, bursting, burning, all around me.

 _Like tiny daggers up to Heaven._ The lyric came to my mind instantly, and I looked over at my own daggers that I had placed by my bedside.

Two perfect opportunities, and I'd missed them both.

 _What will save us?_

I heard my door open, and in the dark I could barely make out the shape of a familiar figure in a coat.

"Cas?" His name fell from my lips like a question.

"I felt your distress." He explained quietly. "May I come in?"

"Yeah, sure." I nodded, reaching over to turn on a lamp as he closed the door. I blinked a few times at the sudden influx of dimly too-bright light, and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. "What time is it?"

"It is 2:27 in the morning." He answered as my eyes adjusted to the new low lighting.

"Crap, sorry. Did I wake you up?" I looked at him, saw how well-rested he was, and remembered. "Sorry. I forgot you were an angel again." I let out a small laugh. "I got too used to an angel being a human, and now that you're an angel again it's going to take some getting used to again."

"It's alright." He told me, keeping his voice calm. "I am... Adjusting as well. I do not have my full capabilities, but I have enough."

"Still, I'm sorry for interrupting... Whatever it was you were doing."

"I was catching up on what Dean calls Angel Radar." He explained. "Trying to see if I could gain insight as to which angels are worrisome and which ones could not have Sam."

Which ones were alive and which ones were dead.

"Actually, I am thankful to have sensed you." He said. I stared at him, completely befuddled, and he backtracked. "It is depressing, hearing of the pain my kind has gone through, and the barbaric tactics some of them have employed. Not that I am happy for your distress, but the reason to stop listening and come to see you was a welcome one."

I saw that look in his eyes, the same one Dean had had. Like he was fighting his own demons inside, ones that didn't rise from black smoke but were formed from the very thoughts of a mind, and made out of white light.

"Do you want to... Stay, for a little bit?" I asked. "If you don't, I understand completely, but I've found it easier to deal with hardship when you're... Not alone, you know? You can keep listening and doing your thing even, but..." I took a deep breath. "You look like it's killing you inside, as did Dean, and it's doing the same thing to me. Dean's going to do whatever he does to figure this out, because he needs his brother for this one, and most people tend to turn to family in times like this, but neither of us really have family, not that I don't consider you someone I'm close to, and..." I trailed off.

I was babbling. Most definitely babbling.

"If you want company, I'm here for you." I summed up. "If you don't, that's alright as well."

"Thank you." He responded. "I would... Very much like to not be alone."

"No problem." I scooted over, closer to the lamp, and patted the spot on the bed next to me. "You can sit up here, if you want."

"Oh." He moved quickly to take the seat next to me, and I smirked. The bed was decent sized, and could just barely fit both of us comfortably, but it worked.

"So," he sat there, hands in his lap, looking so adorably unsure of what to do. "What do we do now?"

"We can talk," I offered. "I can't promise I'll be able to stay awake, but I'll do my best. Or we can just sit in silence and enjoy each other's company."

"Is there an option you would prefer?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Your choice entirely!" I told him as brightly as I could, putting on my best smile. After a few seconds, he asked a question I didn't expect.

"What is your favorite color?"

I couldn't help it. I laughed.

"What, have I said something humorous?" He asked. I did my best to stifle my laughter.

"No, it's red." I answered. "I'm sorry, it must be a haywire emotions thing."

"People... They laugh when they are distressed?"

"Some of us do." I took a breath. "It's just your reaction to a lot of stress, you know? For me, my mom and dad always taught me to laugh when I'm down, because you have a clearer head that way. If you're down in the dirt and mud, you can't see everything else around you." I cracked a small smile. "Plus, if you laugh when people think they've hurt you, they'll tend to stay away."

"Why is that?"

"Because they start to believe you're a little crazy." I gave a small chuckle at that. "Crazy works."

"Alright." He conceded. I thought for a few moments.

"So, I've had this question for a while," I started. Castiel waited patiently for me to continue. "Do angels have birthdays?"

"No." He answered. "We were created before your definition of time and dates were."

"Oh." I thought about it for a few moments. "What day did you come to Earth?"

"Which time?" He responded.

"In this vessel, I guess." He thought on it.

"Five years ago." He answered. "On September 18th."

"Then that's your birthday." I told him. "Happy late birthday."

"Thank you." He cracked a small smile at that. "When is yours?"

"November 15th." I said it with a straight face, hoping he wouldn't track the date back. It was

He did anyways. "That was when we were in Rexford." He stated. "While Dean was there."

"Three days after he came and left." I said after some hesitation, my voice quieter. I continued on quickly, though. "It's no big deal, Castiel. It's really not. I went years without anything being made of my birthday, and we didn't do anything for yours either."

"But it is, as you call it, a 'big deal,'" he argued. "You just set one for me, and have worked hard to ensure that I was safe and adjusting well to human life."

"Not hard enough." I muttered. The half-angel glared at me.

"What happened to me was not your fault." He stated, his voice leaving no room for argument.

I found room anyways.

"But it wasn't just you." I said, looking away. "It was Kevin and Danny and yes, you, and even myself. I keep trying to protect people, and I keep doing a piss-poor job of it. I got Kevin and Danny killed, and I was right next to you and Kevin when everything happened, and I just keep failing."

"You are not failing." He rebutted. When I didn't look back at him, he lightly placed a hand under my chin and moved my head to face him. "You are not failing." He repeated firmly. "There were things out of your control, and if I have learned anything from being human, it's that you have done extraordinarily well when it came to events you could not control."

"Really? Like what?" I asked. "I couldn't save anyone, not like you and Sam and Dean have."

"You saved me." He said, moving his hand away. When I didn't say a word, he continued. "I wouldn't be alive now without you. You witnessed firsthand how bad I was on my own," he shook his hand in exasperation. "I almost died, permanently, when you weren't there, because I saw nothing odd about a woman taking an interest in a homeless man. I would still be dead if you had not been there at Nora's house with your daggers, or with me when I got sick, or countless other times when I knew nothing of rationing food and money, nothing at all of the human world." He stared at me, a small fire burning in his eyes. "I owe you so much, Kylie, and what have I done? I took no note of your birthday when I'm certain the Winchesters did," he motioned to my blades. "I dragged you across the country at least twice on a whim, and you did not complain. I attracted demons to your path, and you did not complain. I didn't answer your prayers again, and you did not complain. You died for us, for all of us, and you did not complain, not once did you ever show any sign of regret or wanting to leave me." He took a deep breath. "I owe you more than you know, and I have done nothing to repay you. All I could do was heal your knife wound." He gestured to my stomach. "I couldn't even be here to protect you."

"Well," I said, catching his attention. "You're here now, aren't you?"

"But I should've been here sooner, could have easily come here, to this point, sooner." He answered. I wasn't certain what he meant by that last part, and I was afraid to ask.

"But you're here now." I repeated, my voice was soft as I spoke. "And as long as you're here, I think that I'm OK." He looked so... Touched, by that. Like there had been this great burden on his shoulders that had had a part of it lifted away. "Is that alright with you?"

"That is more than I deserve." He answered, and I could feel it. I could feel the words, words that shocked me at first, and then didn't.

How could I have not seen it sooner? Kevin had been right, after all. It really was obvious when you looked at it.

I wanted to say the words, too. Words that would convey exactly how much I wanted him here, how much I cared about him and how I would happily go to the ends of the earth, as long as he was there with me.

I wanted to tell him I loved him.

I wanted to so bad.

But I couldn't, because in the back of my mind, I still heard him calling me a friend.

"It's not even close," I responded. "But it's a start."

Instead of saying anything else, I picked up the closest arm to me that belonged to Castiel, his right arm, and looped it around my shoulders. The weight felt warm and comforting, and the angel watched the motion with his normal, inquisitive gaze.

"I'm going to go to sleep, just like this," I stated. "If you wanna leave, feel free to, but wait until I'm asleep, OK?"

"OK." He replied.

The last thing I remember was him reaching over to shut off the lamp, before wrapping his arm just a little tighter around me.


	21. Castiel's POV

Castiel gazed down on the human sleeping against him, the human he had his arm wrapped around like a blanket. She was just... Just there, now, in his life; like a force that was determined to not be moved or deterred.

It was like watching Moses as he stood impassive, for perhaps the first time in his life, to part the sea around him.

It was truly incredible to see.

"I do not wish to leave." He whispered, knowing the girl could not hear him. "I would never leave unless you asked me to."

And that was the truth. I did not ever want to leave her, if I could help it. I did not like leaving her to her own devices after we had first met, even though I knew it was for the better. I did not like leaving her alone when she called for me, even though going to her would put her in greater danger. I did not like leaving her alone, with Crowley, when I had no choice but to listen as she died.

I didn't like leaving her feeling hurt, feeling alone, leaving her in general. I'd hated leaving alone from Wyoming, but I'd heard her talking to the prophet.

" _What makes you think Cas doesn't like you?" The question had been what made me choose to not open the door, to not walk in to tell Kylie we had to leave; not just yet. I could barely hear her sigh at the question as I thought about it. She thought I did not "like" her? I wanted to hear the answer just as well as the prophet._

" _It's just the way he moves and acts and talks, well, when we talk." And what was that, exactly? "We barely do, now." I was focusing on trying to find a proper case, not trying to ignore her. "I tried, I put in effort, but the last time I made an attempt we got in a shouting match." I had contemplated my actions towards her at hearing this. I remembered the "shouting match" just as well as she did, but truly it hadn't been that bad._

 _Had it?_

 _Didn't human people get in to arguments frequently with each other?_

" _I just don't know what to do, I guess."_

" _Do you want to come back to the Bunker?" The scribe had repeated. "I know, I already said that once, but you didn't actually answer."_

 _I waited for her answer, waited for her to say no, that she was fine where she was._

" _Yeah… Yeah, I do want to come back. I miss it."_

 _I missed the rest of what she said after those words._

 _She wanted to leave._

 _She wanted to go back._

 _She didn't want to stay._

" _Then why don't you?"_

" _Because I've still got to watch after Cas."_

I had barely caught those words, so lost in my own thoughts, and after that, I wasn't certain if I wanted to listen anymore, much less could. So I had pulled out the notepad and pen, written her a short note, left everything else, and just…. Left.

I was maybe at the door out of the motel when I could just hear my phone ringing behind me, but at that point I just kept moving.

She'd wanted to come back here, after all.

She's said so herself.

The only reason she hadn't was because she had been with me, that she had felt obligated to watch over me. I had enjoyed her company, and absolutely loathed the times when it appeared as though my company made her feel worse. I had thought… I had believed…

I had been envious of the prophet's relationship with her, how easily her smile and laughter had come when she spoke with him over the phone. I had believed that she would enjoy spending time with him, with Kevin, more than she had with me.

Quietly, so as not to wake the girl whose head laid on my chest, I reached in to my inner jacket pocket to pull out a piece of paper. It was crumpled, as though it had been balled up and thrown away, and indeed it had been.

Kylie did not know that I had pulled this piece of paper out of the trash from the Gas 'n Sip. I don't think she even knew I was aware of her throwing it away.

But I unfolded it slowly, doing my best to not make a noise. Her handwriting was still at the top, "Castiel's Plan," along with a summary of what I had told her.

Except I had added to it. Ideas for apartments and places that I either thought or knew she would like. Prices listed next to each possibility, nicely and neatly. An actual set up of the plan I had concocted in a state of… well… Humanity.

I had not forgotten about this. I had been more shocked to see her throw the page away, and at first did not understand why. Had she changed her mind? Did she not want to be with me anymore?

Hearing her talk on the phone with Kevin had brought those back enough for me to make the choice and leave, without her. I just hadn't understood, hadn't known how to understand…

I had gone on the date with Nora as practice, so that I would learn what to do, how to ask…

I hadn't realized how that could be interpreted incorrectly.

I hadn't realized that I had done that so close to her birthday.

I hadn't realized how many of my actions hurt her.

"And yet you still want me here." I muttered, glancing over at her. She was still asleep, and looked almost peaceful.

If I hadn't been prying, I would ask myself how she could still want me here, after how often my choices had hurt her emotionally. I would ask what would possibly convince this person to want me here, in her bed, as comfort after an awful tragedy?

But I had been prying, to see if there was anything else I could say to ease her distressed mind. I wanted to ensure that she understood nothing was to be blamed on her; ensure that she did not feel guilt at all for everything that had transpired.

I hadn't intended to hear those words, so loud and vibrant within her mind, as though they were the only truth that could pierce through the clouded fog.

I hadn't intended to hear her confess love in her mind, and then afterwards decide against speaking the declaration, hearing me call her my guide, my friend, in the depths of her mind.

I had tried to establish a connection, tried to establish the start of a positive relationship, but I hadn't been certain how to proceed further.

"I still don't know how to proceed further." I muttered to myself, putting away the paper, my "plan" she had written down. I heard her make a small noise, ones that humans sometimes make in their sleep, as she shifted and her arm found its way around my waist. I smiled.

What an amazing person, she was. So willing to forgive, so prepared to be there for those who needed her, so aware of her actions in a way that reminded me of how the Winchesters treated their choices in the aftermath.

Looking at her, at Kylie as she slept so peacefully, I knew I loved her as well. I knew that if she were my punishment, for all my sins and wrongdoings I had managed to accumulate in my time, then surely she was the sweetest and deadliest type of punishment; for I would gladly do as she thought, go to the ends of the earth at her beck and call, so long as she was there with me as well.

I would gladly traipse wings-first in to the flames of hell, without a second's thought back, if she were the one leading me there.

"I'm sorry for leaving you." I whispered quietly. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel unwanted. That was never my intent, nor my feelings. I will make every attempt to do better, Kylie, so long as you bear with me. I am not a perfect angel," I took a deep breath. "Nor do I even count as a full one right now, but I would do whatever was asked if it was for you."

"I will not leave again." I promised. "Not unless you are by my side, or you have asked me to go."

If she were my curse, my punishment, my penance, then surely God or whoever was left in charge must forgive me even in a small modicum, for her to have been put in my path.

"Maybe my trial will be finding the courage to tell you my feelings as well." I wondered. "Or maybe it will be ensuring I do not have to watch your death again."

Either way, I was more than… "OK" with being handed both of those trials.


	22. Morning Punches

Waking up was hard, but Cas was still there when I woke up. He was there when I asked if anything had been a dream. He was there when I processed once more that Kevin was dead, and Sam was gone. He was there when I allowed myself to cry quietly, for just a few minutes. He was there when I ducked in to the bathroom to get ready for the day ahead, still sitting on my bed when I came back out still feeling awful, but just slightly not as awful as before.

He was there when we both walked out in to the main room of the Bunker, to see Dean packing every sort of weapon I think he owned in to a large duffel bag.

"Dean." Castiel spoke up, rousing the hunter from his focus. He looked over to see the both of us, and gave us a terse smile.

"Cas. Now, look at you, all suited up and back in the game. And Kylie, I see Cas fixed you up. Good job on the both of you."

"I, um... I came as soon as you called. I wanted to give you time alone and…"

I nudged Cas as his voice trailed off, and we both saw the ruin that the main room had turned in to, not just from me being thrown in to the books and Kevin being….

Let's not mention that for a few minutes.

"Dean, what happened? What's wrong?" He asked. I took a few steps forwards, placing a hand lightly on Dean's shoulder. He stopped, looked over at myself and Cas, and I could see the guilt and emotion coloring his face.

"It's think it's time you told us everything." I said. He nodded, and all of us took seats around the B.A.M.T. as Dean began to explain what happened when the angels fell and I had come back, from his side.

When he was finished, he looked up at both of us, almost hopeless. "Sammy was dying. What was I supposed to do?"

"You let an angel possess him?" Cas asked.

"He said it was the only way, and I believed him. Now Sam's gone. Kevin's..." Dean couldn't say the words either. "And you got hurt." He motioned to me. I let Cas keep talking, knowing that now wasn't my place to speak.

"Dean, I'm sorry." He said. Dean let out a hoarse laugh.

"Yeah, well... Sorry don't pay the bills, does it? It sure as hell ain't gonna bring Kevin back. We got to find that son of a bitch."

I nodded in agreeance at that, earning a slightly worried look from Cas.

"Dean, if the angel possessing Sam isn't Ezekiel, then who is it?"

"A dead man walking." The Hunter answered.

"Not for long." I muttered.

"What, you're both going to destroy him?" Castiel asked, looking at the both of us.

"Damn right." Dean and I replied.

"You kill an angel, its vessel dies, too." Castiel stated. Now that, I hadn't known. I thought there had been a way to exorcise angels, like with demons. I glanced over at Dean, wondering how he would respond.

"You think I don't know that?" He asked. "If I don't end Sam and that halo burns him out and I..." He took a deep breath. "God, I was so damn stupid."

"You were stupid for the right reasons." Castiel answered softly. Dean just let out a huff of air.

"Yeah, like that matters."

"It DOES matter." I told him, glancing over at Castiel. He glanced back for a moment before continuing.

"It does. Sometimes that's all that matters." Dean still looked uncertain, though. "Listen to me. Sam is strong. If he knew an angel was possessing him, he could fight. He could cast the angel out."

"Maybe." Dean conceded. "But as far as I know, he's in the dark. I don't know how we clue him in."

I got up for a moment while Dean and Cas talked strategy. I needed water, I knew Dean needed coffee or beer or SOMETHING, and Cas… I didn't think he really needed anything. So I whipped up some scrambled eggs for Dean to eat, got him a beer, and made a second plate in case Cas wanted anything. At this moment, when I had no valuable way to contribute to any planning, I wasn't certain what to do.

When I returned with the beer, eggs, and water on a tray, I placed it all out and sat back down with my bit of eggs as well. Dean just pushed his away. "Eat." I ordered.

"No."

"Yes."

"Why should I?"

"Because nobody plans well on an empty stomach." I argued. "And because you're not getting beer," I grabbed the one I set out for him and pulled it out of his reach. "Until you eat your damn eggs that I made to help make you feel better, dammit."

Dean wasn't certain how to answer, so he just ate his. Cas ate his politely as well, though I knew he didn't need to, and I thought as we ate and thought. The brothers had been talking about a guy named Alfie, an angel that had had demons break in to his brain.

"You guys said that a demon got in to the angel's head, right?" I asked as I ate. "How did they do that?"

"There was a metal contraption," Cas explained as Dean ate. When he finished, still looking hungry and uncertain, Cas pushed his plate of eggs over to Dean, and he kept eating. "Around Alfie's head, here," he made the circle around my own head, and I could almost feel the cold steel. "Different spots were drilled in to, like tapping in to the brain, so that they could activate and access different spots of information. The process was painful, though effective." I finished my eggs, thinking.

"Do we know which demon did this?" I asked. Dean finished the rest of Cas' eggs, and sat up.

"Actually," he said. "We have that demon in our dungeon right now."

It took me maybe three seconds to get at what he was saying. "No. No way. Absolutely no way."

"Dean is right." Castiel said. "Crowley is the only one that can show us how to do this."

"I'll clean the dishes, then, while you guys go confer with the damned demon." I said, grabbing the finished plates. I slid Dean his beer, and he took it willingly before he and Cas went to talk with Crowley.

I finished the dishes in maybe five minutes, and afterwards I saw three people emerge and go for the door. Dean and Cas and….

Crowley.

In chains.

"Son of a bitch." I muttered, stalking up to them. "What in the hell is going on?"

"We made a deal." Dean explained. "Crowley gets a field trip to help us find Sam, he shows us how to do the cranium dance, and he's back in the dungeon." I looked over from Dean to Cas, who gave me a grim expression; then my gaze shifted in to a glare as I stared at the demon, who lifted both his hands to wiggle his fingers at me.

"Charmed to see you again, Kai. Sorry you lost your bestie. First your mum to a demon, and now Kevin to an angel." He laughed. "You just don't have much good luck do you?"

Dean didn't see me until it was too late, and I don't think Cas could've (or would've) stopped me if he tried.

I swung, hard, and knocked the demon to the ground with a haymaker to his jaw. He landed sideways, looking up at me with absolute shock, surprise, and hurt.

"OW!" He exclaimed. "What in the bloody hell was that for?"

"That was for Kevin." I answered as he started to get up. "And the next one will be for my mom, if you don't do whatever these guys need." I looked back over at Dean and Cas, ignoring the demon as he struggled to stand with his hands still in chains. "Are you sure you can make him work?" I asked Dean.

"Absolutely."

"And he's not going to get away again?" I asked. "He's not going to play you guys again?"

"With the chains on, he can't do anything." Dean assured me. I could almost feel Castiel's pointed gaze on him at those words.

"It's Crowley!" I reminded him. "The guy who broke in to a warded boat. The guy who hunted my ass down. The guy who played all of us before. He can always do something!"

"That's what I said." Cas muttered. Dean was about to speak, but Crowley interjected.

"Looks like I should've let you be the tiebreaker, instead of Moose." He muttered, now standing closer than he should've. "Aren't you a ball of fire? Castiel here must love that. Wasn't he the one to earn that trophy spot?"

He was within swinging range. I told him the second one would be for my mom.

He went down from a second haymaker, also to his jaw. He used both hands to rub the spot as he laid on the floor. "Again, OW!"

"I'm not riding with him." I stated, pointing at the demon.

"Do you want to stay behind?" Dean asked. I thought about it for a moment before shaking my head.

"Then you're in the car with him or you're here." He told me.

"Fine." I ran to my room to grab my knives, placed them in their sheathes around my waist, and followed Cas out the door.

"Nice punch." He muttered, just loud enough so that only I could hear.


	23. Hey, Assbutt!

Cas and Crowley sat in the back, whereas I sat in the prized shotgun seat. I had my blades. Dean knew I wouldn't hesitate to put one through Crowley if he pushed me enough.

For his credit, Crowley seemed to get that as well, and very quickly stopped toying with me.

I waited as they went in the NSA front, keeping watch of the building in case anyone… unwanted went through. When they came back, Dean said we were heading to Sommerset, Pennsylvania. The ride itself took time, a few hours, but when we got there… It was dark. The Impala was in front of the house, but Sam… I mean not-Sam, wasn't in it. Dean went in the house first, with Cas and I taking separate side entrances to try and get full coverage.

I glanced in to the living room. I saw the body.

Somehow, it didn't affect me anymore.

We all heard the running water, though. Dean took the direct approach, while Cas and I went around to wait. When we heard Dean get slammed in to a wall, we moved, with me staying behind Cas. Not-Sam was going in to kill Dean, when he paused.

"Hey, ASSBUTT!" I shouted, acquiring the angel's attention. He turned around to see Castiel, but only for a moment.

I could've kissed him, Cas delivered quite possibly the most beautiful knockout punch I'd ever seen.

"Nice punch." I muttered, watching him shake his wrist in pain for a moment. "You ok?"

"I'm fine." He muttered, turning back to me. "Assbutt?"

"Dean told me." And in truth, he had, babbling uncomfortably on our way back to the Bunker. We both turned to look at the Hunter and his brother, knocked out on the floor. "Does this happen to them often?" I asked, pointing between the two.

"In all honesty," Cas said with a sigh. "I believe the answer is yes."

I laughed a little, and we both went to help Dean up. Cas held two fingers to his forehead, and he woke up quickly. He was about to speak before he saw the other man, knocked out at his feet. "Good job you two. Let's get him in the car and get moving, quickly."

"Where are we going to put him?" I asked. "Crowley is still in the back seat."

"And how are we going to get him to the Bunker in time?" Cas asked. Dean thought for a moment.

"We'll shove him in the shotgun seat of my car, and put Crowley in the back seat." I smirked.

"Even knocked out, he's still getting a better seat than Crowley." I muttered.

"And as for the place," Dean continued, ignoring my comment. "I saw an abandoned warehouse not too far back. We've got the head thing in the trunk of Cas' car. We'll tie up the angel when we get to the warehouse, and get to work."

"Alright." I agreed. We all worked together to get not-Sam in to the car, and Crowley walked himself. When he saw he wasn't getting the shotgun seat, again, he almost made a smart comment to me.

I quietly reminded him of what I was carrying, and he smartly kept his mouth shut as he accepted the back seat.


	24. This Time, I Left

Gadreel had gotten away, DAMMIT. Crowley had been left do deal with Abbadon, and had more than likely scampered off, add on another DAMMIT. So we were all standing in the middle of a mildly rainy side street, Impala facing Cas's car, Sam facing Dean, and myself facing Cas.

Cas was going to stay with Sam, to keep him healing. Dean was going to go off hunting Gadreel, because Sam couldn't stand to be around him and Dean couldn't stand to let the guy get away.

I was going with Dean.

And Cas had finally figured it out.

"You're not coming back." He stated, not with a bite or edge, but with knowing honesty.

"I'm going with Dean." I explained. "Gadreel… He was there. He killed Kevin, and pretty much kidnapped Sam. I can't just sit by and not go after him."

"But what if," Castiel caught himself, and for a moment I marveled at the distance between us. It was maybe a foot or two, but it felt like we were on opposite sides of the Grand Canyon, looking out over for any sign of the other person.

Castiel was doing that right now, looking for any sign that I would stay. "What if someone wanted you to stay?"

"Dean needs me right now for the same reasons Sam needs you." I answered. "To keep him sane, to keep him off a self-destructive path; to keep the poor guy alive." I took a glance over at the brothers. We were far enough away to give them privacy as they conversed (argued, more like it), but close enough to still be in sight.

"But what if that same someone else…" Cas looked over at Sam and Dean for a moment before turning back to me. "What if they needed you as well? What if they wanted you to stay, needed you to stay, but didn't know how to ask you or tell you?"

I smiled at him a small, bittersweet smile. "I'd have to tell them that I promise I'll be back." I answered. "That I promise I'll come back alive, just for them." Castiel looked almost…. I guess the word is forlorn. He didn't know what to say, much less how to say it. "I'll be back, Cas." I reminded him. "I promise that I'll be back."

Castiel just nodded, and turned around to set off for his car. I watched him for a moment, watched him just walk so… It was like I'd just torn him in two.

In all reality, I probably had.

I sprinted, then. Not jogged. Not ran. Not walked. Not skipped. I fucking SPRINTED towards the angel, a decently loud "Castiel" forcing itself from me as I did so. He stopped at the sound of my footsteps, my voice, and turned around. When he turned, I slipped on the street, very nearly falling down towards Cas in the most ungraceful way possible.

He caught me, though, and I felt myself enraptured by the way he watched me. "Are you alright?" He asked. And I could hear it.

The hope that I had suddenly changed my mind.

The fear that I hadn't.

The prayer that I would say something, something profound and important that would mean something.

Instead I broke the eye contact, and hugged him fiercely. "Don't leave until I get back." I requested, almost burying my face in his overcoat. He returned my hug with just as much strength and power and need, almost burying his face in my hair.

"Don't get lost in your hunt." He responded. I nodded against his body once, and we embraced for a few moments longer before parting ways. I got in to the shotgun seat of Dean's car without saying a word, and we both watched as Castiel and Sam stood there alongside the street, their eyes illuminated by the headlights as they watched Dean start the car.

"You know I didn't intend on having passengers, right?" He asked. I could feel his gaze on me, but I didn't look. I watched Castiel, eyes squinting slightly as he tried to make out my frame within the Impala.

Dean just sighed, realizing I wasn't getting out, and put the car in gear. "You're breaking his heart, you realize that, right?"

His overcoat was finally starting to look a little wet, as was his hair, as he watched us back up a few feet before Dean roared off down the road.

I kept staring straight ahead, Castiel's face still in my mind as I answered.

"I know." I said, feeling my voice crack the tiniest bit. "It's breaking mine too."

We didn't say another word. Dean drove off, some pre-determined destination already in his head, and I just kept staring out that front window.

But I wasn't staring at the scenery. I wasn't staring at the asphalt, or the trees, or the way the bright yellow headlights illuminated the raindrops in a unique way of their own.

I was staring at the image I still held in my mind, of Castiel hoping for me to change my mind, for me to stay, for me to say anything of value.

I still saw him hoping I would stay with him as we drove off in to the night, and I prayed he understood why I couldn't.


	25. Because I Love You, Dammit

I started heading back to the Bunker maybe a week or so after being with Dean. Crowley had found us, and Dean was working with him.

Fat chance in hell I was doing that.

So I left, and continued looking for Gadreel. Caught a ghost case pretty quickly as I went. Got my ass thrown by the ghost, and definitely earned some new cuts and scrapes and bruises, but I got rid of the damned thing, so woohoo.

First successful case on my own.

I hadn't called Castiel yet, I'd almost been too afraid to. So instead of calling, like any normal person would do, I just made my way to the Bunker. That took the rest of week two, but when I got there I was almost relieved that Castiel's car wasn't there.

Maybe nobody was home.

I had a key now. I could just walk in, grab what I needed, and leave.

And thank WHOEVER, the place was pretty damn empty. I got to my room, unpacked a few things I didn't need, and re-packed.

Cas walked in right as I was finishing up. "You're back!" He sounded so surprised, so happy; I jumped around at the sound of his voice, saying his name with surprise of my own, but the elation wasn't there. I'd been hoping he wouldn't be here.

I'd been hoping I wouldn't have to see the look on his face again, the one I still saw in my mind, when I would have to tell him I was leaving again.

Then he saw my back re-packed, with just one item missing that I could not find for the life of me. "You're leaving." He stated, all elation gone. Instead, there was a slight edge to his voice.

"You're damn right I am." I said, resuming my search for the damn water bottle. Where the hell had it gone? "I'm gonna hunt that bastard Gadreel down."

"And you thought it would be alright to not speak with me while you did this." He asked. Oh yeah. Definitely an edge in there.

"Why? You plan on stopping me?" I stopped my search as I asked that, and stood with my hands on my hips.

"If I need to, yes."

"What the hell, Cas?" I was starting to get pissy with him, now. He'd been fine earlier, first off. And before Kevin had died he'd left me without a good reason which had, apparently been absolutely NO PROBLEM. Why couldn't I do the same?

"Dean is going to go down a path that could easily lead to his self-destruction; I have seen him do it before. Then, I was able to be there, or Sam was there, to pull him off of that path. Now," his voice was rising as his anger and… was that impatience? Whatever it was, the emotions grew quickly. "Now I can't just be there at your beck and call, and if you get hurt," he motioned to the still-healing cuts on my arms and jawline. "Or die out there," he pointed out my door. "Then that's on me!"

"How in the _**hell**_ is that on you?" I raised my voice to match his. He had no right to use that tone with me, no right to tell me what I could and could not do!

"I dragged you in to this mess the _**first day**_ I spoke with you! That makes me responsible!"

"And you weren't responsible when you left, right?" I asked, feeling ice in my voice. He recoiled, almost, as if I had slapped him. "You weren't responsible when you didn't answer me for over a year. You weren't responsible up until the point I almost died at Crowley's hands, but that wasn't the first time I'd **barely** scraped past demons." I rolled up my sleeves, and was surprised to see no scars; no marking from the scrapes I'd barely made it through.

"When you were raised, your scars and marks were erased." Cas said, almost in a tired "that should've been obvious" way.

"The point still remains!" I retorted, rolling back down my sleeves. "When did you become responsible, Cas? Where does that turn on and off?!"

"It doesn't!" He finally shouted, just boiling with that righteous fury.

" **BULLSHIT**!" I shouted right back.

"There are things..." He took a deep breath. "That you don't know about, nor do I know how to explain it to you."

"Well why don't you try?" I asked, my voice cutting like steel. "Why don't you explain leaving me, explain your date with Nora that you couldn't even clue me in on, explain abandoning me without a damn word, and **EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE SO PISSY** **NOW**!"

"YOU LEFT TOO!" There it was, another shouting match.

"YOU DID IT FIRST!"

"YOU WANT ME TO EXPLAIN?!" He seemed taller, now, almost towering over me in his anger. "FINE! I LEFT THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE YOU SHOWED ME MY ACTIONS WERE WRONG, THAT THERE WAS MORE THAN BEING CORRECT AND BEING A GOD. I DIDN'T ANSWER BECAUSE I **COULDN'T** , NO MATTER HOW BADLY I WISH I HAD. I SAVED YOU FROM CROWLEY BECAUSE THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD GOTTEN A _SOLID IDEA_ OF WHERE YOU WERE, AND JUST _BARELY_ MANAGED TO DO IT." He continued on, moving forwards as I took steps back.

"WHEN CROWLEY KILLED YOU, WHEN YOU **DIED** IN MY ARMS, I BROKE. I ALMOST DIED MYSELF FROM GUILT, AND WISHED METATRON HAD KILLED ME. HE HINTED, _HINTED_ ," he emphasized the word a second time. "THAT YOU WOULD BE BACK, AND WHEN I DIDN'T SEE YOU OR HEAR FROM YOU OR ANYTHING, I RAN IN TO SOMETHING, _ANYTHING_ , TO HIDE AWAY FROM THE GUILT AND SHAME OF YOU STILL BEING DEAD."

There's the explanation for April. I didn't talk though, just kept listening. I didn't think I could quiet this angel now.

"AND I TRIED, I TRIED TO LEARN WHAT HAD MADE YOU SO MAD, TRIED TO LEARN WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY AND SMILE. WHEN I WENT ON THAT DATE WITH NORA, THAT WAS MY VERSION OF _**PRACTICE**_!"

"PRACTICE FOR WHAT?!" I found my voice, still angered and at this point very confused by some of what he was saying, but Castiel just kept barreling through to answer my question.

"PRACTICE SO YOU WOULD NOT SEE ME AS INCOMPETENT!" His answer shocked my back in to silence. "AND WHEN I WAS TAKING CARE OF NORA'S CHILD, WHEN SHE **CRIED** , I SANG TO HER THE SONG YOU TOLD ME WAS GOOD, "BELIEVE IT OR NOT," THE ONE THAT PLAYED ON THE BUS." I vaguely remembered that song playing myself, but I had. Cas had been listening to my comment?

"AND THE PLAN, THE ONE YOU THREW AWAY FOR REASONS I WILL GLADLY ADMIT THAT I DO _**NOT**_ UNDERSTAND," he fished around his inner jacket pocket and pulled out a familiar piece of paper, one that was crumpled and had, apparently, been added to by the angel. "I KEPT IT BECAUSE I STILL WANT THIS, KYLIE. I STILL WANT THE APARTMENT, I STILL WANT A NORMAL LIFE, I STILL WANT A LIFE WITH _**YOU**_. AND WHEN I LEFT," I wasn't certain how to feel. He was saying things that were actually sweet and kind, but the way he was saying them... He turned a few steps away from me to get some space. "I LEFT BECAUSE I HEARD YOU SAY YOU WANTED TO BE BACK HERE! I _KNEW_ I COULDN'T COME BACK, BUT I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO RETURN, SO I TRIED TO GIVE YOU THAT CHANCE, AND GADREEL COULD'VE **KILLED** YOU! YOU COULD'VE DIED _AGAIN_ , BECAUSE OF **MY** CHOICES, I WOULD'VE HAD TO LIVE WITH THAT EVERY SINGLE DAMNED DAY!"

"Cas..." My voice was quiet as he took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. "Why would you do all this?"

That was when he broke completely, where anything he might've been hiding or holding back spilled forth from him completely, in one sentence.

 _ **"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, DAMMIT!"**_

Time seemed to freeze in that moment. Cas stopped, realizing what he'd said. I stopped, letting his words replay over and over and over in my mind over a thousand times in a second.

Because I love you.

Dammit.

Dammit, dammit, dammit, how could I have not known? How could I have been afraid to tell him?

"You…" I tried to find the words, tried to get them to fall out in the proper order. "You love me?"

"Yes." Castiel's voice was no longer loud and shouting, but soft and honest and almost regretful, for just a moment, as to how loudly he'd shouted the words. "Is that alright?" He asked in return.

I nodded, unable to fight a small smile from my face. "Yes." I whispered. I definitely couldn't fight the tears starting to fall, tears that were not sad or sorrowful or distressed or fearful; tears that were absolutely happy.

Somehow, in everything that had occurred, I was absolutely, extraordinarily, undeniably happy.

Castiel took a few slow steps towards me, and I realized that my back was to the wall. Not that I would've backed away from him, anyways. Nor could I have really taken steps forwards. I was so frozen in my spot, just watching him to see if he would take it back, or just disappear.

But he kept walking towards me, until there was maybe a centimeter or two between us, and I saw his height not as imposing or wrathful, but as just… just him. Enveloping in warmth, in confidence…

In love.

He wiped a tear away from my cheek quietly, staring at the droplet before looking in my eyes. His hand, the one that had wiped away the tear, wound itself gently in my hair a second later.

"I would like to kiss you." He stated, his voice so quiet, so polite as he leaned in a little closer. "If you don't want me to, tell me now."

God, there wasn't a chance of me doing that. Not a chance in Heaven or Hell or Purgatory or Earth that I was going to tell him to stop.

So I reached up, faster than I thought I could, and grabbed the lapels of his shirt to pull him in faster for a kiss.

And as we shared that first kiss, I felt like I was being burned alive in the sweetest way imaginable. I could've been dying, and I couldn't have cared less. I felt like I was being consumed by, well, what I could only assume was ANGEL. An ANGEL was kissing me, had _**WANTED**_ to kiss me! I was drowning in fire, burning in my feeling of flight, suffocating in the sea of passion and emotion that was Castiel; that was US, together in this moment.

When we broke away, I wasn't certain if I'd be standing if it wasn't for Castiel's other hand on my waist, one that I hadn't even known or realized had found a spot there. I hadn't even realized I'd wound my hands around his neck.

But here I was, just after kissing an angel that I was in love with, and that loved me as well, and I could see the love and hope mirrored in his eyes. "Don't leave." He whispered. "Please, don't leave."

"I won't." I promised, not even hesitating to think. I knew where I wanted to be most, and it wasn't hunting Gadreel or just being in the Bunker or anything like that.

I wanted to be with Castiel, by his side and with him by mine, both of us going to do these things together.

Both of us, protecting each other.

Both of us, together.

"Thank God." He muttered, cracking a small smile. He kissed me again, his passion and fire and essence consuming me just as wholly as the first kiss had, and I hoped and prayed that this moment we had created together wouldn't end.

"I love you." I whispered once he pulled away. He smiled again, much bigger, and let out a small laugh.

"I know." He whispered back. I smiled, giggling in turn, and couldn't help but pray that this moment would never end. I didn't even care if I was dead, if this was just my new personal perfect Heaven.

Because this was perfect.

It was absolutely, undoubtedly perfect.


	26. Another Letter From The Author

Hey, everyone! WriKai here again! I just wanted to say first off, thank you to everyone who's been so kind and encouraging and helpful with their reviews/comments, as well as give a big thank you to not only everyone that has this story favorited or is following it (but thank you all hugely as well. You guys are my reminder to keep writing), but also just to everyone, member or no, follower or just casual reader, that stuck through with this to the end as well. I know I toyed with your heartstrings, and drew out the big moment about as long as I could stand, but you all stuck with it and kept reading, so thank you.

I literally just updated this chapter and put up the next installment, "Mom Never Told Me How To Date Angels," and I hope you all go check it out and enjoy it!

So, yeah, thank you all very much. It really makes me happy to see people enjoying what I write, and people willing to offer good constructive criticism on it as well.

This isn't the end for Kylie and Cas, not by far (I have a friend following this story who said they would never forgive me if I ended it now), and I hope you all continue to read and enjoy everything!

Love,

WriKai


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